Lean Mean Thirteen (Stephanie Plum 13)

Since the iron was already out, I decided I'd just jump in. “So,” I said to Grandma, “how'd the date go?”

“It was pretty good,” Grandma said. “The funeral parlor had a new cookie. Chocolate with white chocolate chips. And they did a real good job with Harry Rozinski. You couldn't hardly tell half his nose was eaten away with the skin cancer.”

“Was he wearing jewelry?”

“No. But Lorraine Birnbaum was next door in viewing room #, and she was all decked out. She was wearing a real nice-looking watch, and they left her wedding band and diamond on her. The diamond was real big too. You probably don't remember Lorraine. She moved away when you were little. She came back to live with her daughter after her husband died last year, but she didn't last too long. Her memorial said she was being buried on Friday.”

“Did Elmer behave himself?”

“Yeah. That was the only disappointment. I was ready to put out, but he got some acid reflux from the cookies and had to go home.”

My mother was at the stove sauteing ground beef for stuffed peppers. She reached for the cupboard where she kept her liquor stash, paused, then pulled herself together and went on with the sauteing.

“Sissy Cramp and I went shopping today,” Grandma said, “and I got these new clothes and went to the beauty parlor. I thought I should spruce up since Elmer has all that nice black hair. It's a marvel that at his age he hasn't got a gray hair on his head.”

“He hasn't got any hair on his head,” I told Grandma. “He wears a wig.”

“That would explain a lot of things,” Grandma said.

My mother and I looked at each other and shared a grimace.

“I read somewhere red is the hot color for hair this year,” Grandma said. “So I had Dolly do me red this time. What do you think?”

“I think it's fun,” I told Grandma. “It brings out the color in your eyes.”

I could see my mother bite into her lower lip, and I knew she was eyeing the liquor cabinet again.

“It makes me feel like a whole new person,” Grandma said. “Sissy says I look just like Shirley MacLaine.”

I zipped my jacket. “I just stopped in to say hello. I have to get back to the office.”

I checked myself out in the hall mirror on my way to the door to make sure there were no leftover effects from the stun gun… like my tongue hanging out or my eyes rolling around in my head. I didn't notice anything, so I left my parents' house, buckled myself into the Cayenne, and called Lula.

“Unhunh,” Lula said.

“I'm going to check on Carl Coglin. Want to ride along with me?”

“Sure. Maybe I can explode another squirrel on myself.”

Five minutes later, I picked her up in front of the bonds office.

“Now this is what I call a car,” Lula said, getting into the Cayenne. “Only one place you get a car like this.”

“It's Rangers.”

“Don't I know it. I get a rush just sitting in it. I swear, that man is so hot and so fine it's like he isn't even human.”

“Mmm,” I said.

“Mmm. What's that supposed to mean? You think he isn't fine?”

“He involved me in a murder.”

“He told you to choke Dickie in front of the whole law office staff?”

“Well, no. Not exactly.”