Lean Mean Thirteen (Stephanie Plum 13)

“Grandma had a little accident,” I said to my mother, “but she's fine. She's just got some groundhog stuck to her. I think if you scrub her down with Goo Gone, she'll be okay. And maybe you could call Dolly and see if she's got an opening at the hair salon for a wash and set… maybe a cut.”

There was a silent pause and I could imagine my mother making the sign of the cross and looking over at the liquor cabinet. I disconnected and turned into the Burg.

“I hear Elmer got shipped off to Lakewood,” I said to Grandma.

“Yeah, he was a dud anyway. I'm thinking about taking up bowling. Lucy Grabek joined one of them leagues, and she got a pink bowling ball with her name on it. I wouldn't mind having one of those.”

I parked in front of my parents' house and my mother came out to collect Grandma.

“Is this really groundhog?” my mother asked.

“The little brown hairs and patches of hide are groundhog. I don't know about the white stuff. I think it's some kind of synthetic foam,” I said.

Binkie and I waved good-bye to Grandma and my mom, and then we drove to the bonds office.

Connie had reached the office ahead of me and was writing out my capture check. “Good work,” she said. “That was clever of you to have Grandma babysit. How'd she do?”

“She got woodchucked.”

“I bet it was the third eye that got her,” Lula said. “You can't hardly resist the third eye.”

“How'd last night go?” I asked Lula. “Did the movies work?”

'We never got to the movies. Turns out he don't need no mood enhan

cement. I'm telling you, I think I'm in love. I might even learn to cook for him."

Connie and I did raised eyebrows.

“Okay,” Lula said. “Learning to cook probably isn't gonna happen, but I could learn something.”

My phone buzzed and I picked up to Morelli.

“He's gone,” Morelli said.

“Who?”

“Dickie.”

“Where'd he go?”

“I don't know. I was working upstairs, and when I came down, he was gone. Television on. Back door unlocked.”

“Is anything missing?”

“Not that I can tell. My car is still here. His clothes are all here. No signs of struggle. No blood on the floor.”

“Maybe he went for a walk.”

“He's not supposed to go for a walk. He's not supposed to leave the house. That was the deal. I've been out driving around, and I don't see him.”

“Do you think someone took him?”

“I don't know.”

“Maybe he went to find Joyce for a nooner.”

“Joyce. That's a good idea. Is she still following you?”