“A big package. It won’t fit in my car. I need Mooner to drive the bus here.”
“Mooner’s at an all-day Lord of the Rings movie festival.”
“Then get someone else to drive the damn bus.”
“Who?” Connie asked him.
“Anyone! How hard can it be if Mooner can do it? Just get the bus down here. I haven’t got all day to waste standing around in front of the courthouse.”
“Hell, I’ll drive the bus,” Lula said. “I always wanted to drive a bus.”
I always wanted to fly, but that doesn’t mean I can do it without wings. “Don’t you have to take lessons and get a special license to drive a bus?”
Lula was on her feet, moving to the driver’s seat. “To my way of thinking this here’s a recreational vehicle and you don’t need nothing special to drive it.” She got behind the wheel and looked around. “Let’s see what we got. Gas pedal. Brake. Gear shifter doohickey. And the key’s in the ignition. This is gonna be a piece of cake.”
“Is this bus insured?” I asked Connie.
Connie was busy ramming her laptop and a bunch of files into her tote bag. “I’m moving to the coffee shop next to the hospital. They’ve got free WiFi, it smells better, it’s not always midnight, and it doesn’t move.”
Lula cranked the engine over. “Everybody strapped in?”
Connie pushed past me to the door. “Do not go over ten miles an hour,” she said to Lula. “Do not hit anything. Do not call me if you do hit something.”
I grabbed my purse and followed after Connie.
“Hey,” Lula said to me. “Where are you going? We’re supposed to be partners. What about all those times I got your back. And now here I am on a big adventure drivin’ a bus, and how could you be thinkin’ about not sharing this with me? Where’s the sharing? This could be a bonding experience.”
“I don’t think th
is is a good idea.”
“Of course it’s a good idea. Just sit your skinny white hiney down. This is gonna be fun. I’m gonna be a good bus driver. I might even decide to take up bus driving professionally.”
Lula put the bus in gear, stepped on the gas, and backed into the state CSI truck.
“Did you hear something funny just then?” she asked.
“Yeah, I heard the sound of you backing into the crime scene van.”
“It was just a tap. I’ll ease forward a little.”
She changed gears and pulled away from the curb. “This thing don’t got a lot of get-up.”
The CSI guys were staring at us, mouths open, eyes wide. I looked in the side mirror and saw we were towing the van.
“I just gotta give it some juice,” Lula said.
She stomped on the gas, and the bus broke loose and jumped forward, leaving the van’s bumper in the middle of the road.
“Maybe you should pull over,” I said.
“No way. I’m getting the hang of it now.”
Lula cruised down Hamilton and sideswiped a bunch of parked cars.
“Holy cow,” I said. “You just ripped off two more bumpers and a mirror.”
“I guess this is wider than I originally thought. No problem, I’ll just make a course correction.”