Explosive Eighteen (Stephanie Plum 18)

“Nuh-ah,” Buggy said, throwing a leg over the side.

“He’s your responsibility,” I said to Lula. “I don’t want him taking my keys, my messenger bag, or my truck.”

I marched up to Lahonka’s door and banged on it. Lula and Buggy were right behind me.

“That door has a Band-Aid on it,” Buggy said.

“It’s covering the hole I made when I shot it,” Lula said.

“Go away,” Lahonka yelled from inside. “I hate you.”

“She’s not nice,” Buggy said.

“She’s a felon,” Lula told him. “We need to arrest her.”

Buggy pushed us aside, gave the door a head butt, and the door came off its hinges.

“What the hell?” Lahonka said.

She had her foot wrapped in a big bandage, and she was standing on crutches.

“What’s wrong with her foot?” Buggy wanted to know.

“I shot it,” Lula said.

“Har!” Buggy said. “Good one.” He looked at Lula. “Do you want her in the truck?”

“Yeah,” Lula said. “We have to take her to the police station.”

“The police station isn’t so bad,” Buggy said. “They gave me a cheeseburger.”

He grabbed Lahonka and tucked her under his arm like she was a rag doll, while I scrambled to get her crutches.

“I’m just about gonna faint on account of my honey pie is so strong,” Lula said. “I’d never say anyone was fat due to that bein’ hurtful, but let’s face it, Lahonka’s a sandbag. I carry a certain amount of weight, but mine’s perfectly distributed. My big beautiful bubble butt balances out my oversized boobs. Lahonka here got all her weight sunk into one of them low-slung behinds. It gotta be hard to get someone like Lahonka off the ground.”

“You got a lot of nerve sayin’ those things about me!” Lahonka yelled at Lula. “You’re not nothin’ but a big ’ho.”

“Am not,” Lula said, hands on hips. “I gave up bein’ a ’ho.”

“I like ’hos,” Buggy said. “It’s like goin’ to Cluck-in-a-Bucket. You order something and that’s what you get.”

“Sugar, it’s like that with a girlfriend, too,” Lula said.

“Hunh,” Lahonka said. “Not with me. You get what I want to give you, and then you better say thank you.”

Not with me, either, I thought. My new policy was nobody gets anything!

Buggy carted Lahonka to the truck and dumped her into the back.

“We need to cuff her, Sweetums,” Lula said, handing Buggy cuffs.

Lahonka was spitting and clawing and swearing, and Buggy was having a hard time catching a wrist.

“You don’t hold still for me, and I’m going to kick you in your foot,” Buggy said.

Lahonka went still for a beat, digesting the threat, and Buggy sat on her and cuffed her.

“Good job,” Lula said to Buggy. “Don’t let her escape. She’s sneaky.”