Takedown Twenty (Stephanie Plum 20)

Morelli grinned. “Did you invite me over here to score drugs off me?”

“Not originally. I thought I might want to be more domestic, but now that you’re here I’m thinking drugs could be the way to go.”

“Why do you want to be more domestic?”

“I don’t know. It just came over me.”

“Is it that time of the month?”

“No!”

“Lucky me,” Morelli said.

I checked out the wine. Screw cap. The greatest invention since fire. I poured out two glasses and toasted the screw cap. Not easy to do with two fingers taped together and in a metal splint. I dumped the box of cutlets onto one of my new disposable broiler pans and shoved them into the hot oven.

“Easy-peasy,” I said to Morelli. “They’ll be perfect in fifteen minutes. The box wouldn’t lie.”

“I’m getting turned on by all this domesticity,” Morelli said.

This wasn’t an impressive admission. Morelli got turned on by lint.

I took the bag of vegetables out of the freezer and tossed them into my microwave. I figured I’d just cook the crap out of them until the chicken was done. I topped off my wine, and minutes later there was an explosion.

Morelli and I instinctively dropped to the ground.

“What the heck?” I yelled. “What was that?”

Morelli was on his back, laughing. “I think you exploded the vegetables!”

We got to our feet and looked in at the massacre inside the microwave.

Morelli was still grinning. “It’s like a crime scene.”

“It’s not funny.” A tear leaked out of my eye. “I’m a big stupid failure!”

Morelli wrapped an arm around me and hugged me into him. “They were just vegetables,” he said. “Vegetables are way overrated.”

“I can’t do anything right.”

“Not true. You excel at many things.”

“Such as?”

“You give a damn good happy-ending massage.”

“That’s it? Sex? That’s my field of expertise?”

“It beats being able to cook a vegetable.”

I did an eye roll so severe I almost lost my balance. “I want to be able to do both.”

Morelli took another bag of vegetables out of my freezer and read the instructions. “Pierce the bag before microwaving.”

“I didn’t do that.” I swiped at my nose. “I’m too dumb to even read directions.”

“Anything else go wrong today?”

“I broke my finger.”