Tricky Twenty-Two (Stephanie Plum 22)

“There’s a big list. He wasn’t popular. Hell, I didn’t even like him. And I didn’t see anything, if that’s what you mean. I was watching television. One of the CSI shows. There was lots of shooting. I didn’t even find him until there was a commercial. I went to the kitchen and the back door was open. And there he was. Facedown on the patio in lots of blood.” Monica took a massive drag on her fake cigarette. “I’m never going to get the blood out of that stone. I’m going to have to replace it. Do you have any idea how expensive that is? Bastard rip-off stonemasons.”

“I’m going to check on your husband,” Ranger said to Monica. “Stephanie will stay with you.”

“Great,” Monica said. “That makes me feel a lot better. Not at all. How about her crazy grandmother? Is she here too?”

“Just me,” I told Monica.

She sucked on her e-cigarette some more and watched Ranger leave. “Nice ass,” she said. “Is he boinking you?”

“Not recently,” I said. “I sort of have a boyfriend. At least I thought I did.”

“Yeah, I sort of have a husband, but that wouldn’t stop me.”

“Looks like you’re trying to quit smoking?”

“I swear if you really enjoy something you can count on it being no good for you. We switched to these electronic things a couple weeks ago. I’m not happy, but I’m managing to stick with the program. Doug cheated a lot. He cheated a lot with everything. Between you and me, I wouldn’t mind if smoking killed him, if you know what I mean.”

Jeez Louise this was freaking depressing. This was way beyond a Jeep. This was worth a Mercedes or a Porsche.

“I need a drink,” Monica said. “Send one of those Rangeman guys out for some booze. Vodka would be good. I’m ready to drink it straight up from the bottle. Cripes, just get me a straw.”

“Gee, I’d love to do that for you, but they only take orders from Ranger.”

“Then go get Hot Stuff and tell him I need a drink.”

I called Ranger and told him Monica needed vodka.

“She’s going to need more than vodka,” Ranger said. “She’s going to need Slumber Room No. 1. Her husband didn’t make it. The doctor is on his way to talk to her.”

“So about that vodka?”

“I’ll send Hal out for it.”

I disconnected and put my phone back in my purse. “Hal’s going for vodka,” I told her.

“Thank God. Why do they make these rooms so bleak? I mean, look at the television they’ve got here. It’s from 1970.”

I thought it looked a lot like the television I had in my apartment. I checked my watch. I was counting down minutes until the vodka arrived.

A tired-looking man in blue scrubs stuck his head into the room. “Mrs. Linken?” he asked. “I’d like to speak with you.”

“I’m going to step out for a minute,” I said. “I’ll stay close if anyone needs me.”

Ranger was waiting in the hall.

“Did the Linkens have perimeter security cameras?” I asked him.

“No. They didn’t want them.”

“Too bad. They might have gotten the shooter on video.”

“Doug Linken didn’t want some of his visitors caught on camera.”

“Shady business partners?”

“Shady sexual encounters,” Ranger said.

“So where do we go from here?”