Hardcore Twenty-Four (Stephanie Plum 24)

“Not true,” I said. “I’m supposed to capture you. Right now, everything you do is my business.”

“Capturing me won’t do anybody any good.”

“It’ll be good for me. I get money when I bring you in.”

“A pittance compared to what I’m going to make. Two months from now I’ll be world-famous, and you’ll still be nothing.”

“How so?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Here’s the deal. I’m going to cuff you and drive you back to the police station. Court is in session right now so you’ll be able to get bonded out again, and you’ll be free to come back to this cemetery in a couple hours.”

“No way. I’m not leaving the cemetery. I have important work to do here.”

I reached for him, and he jumped away. I pulled my cuffs and stun gun out, and he took off, running for the gate. I yelled “Stop him!” and a couple seconds later I heard ooof and wump. By the time I got to Lula, she was sitting on Slick, and he was struggling to breathe.

I cuffed him, and Lula and I hauled him to his feet.

“Another minute and I would have been dead,” Slick said, sucking air. “How much do you weigh? Three hundred pounds? You need some serious portion control. You probably eat enough every day to feed half of the people who are starving in Burundi.”

“Look who’s talking,” Lula said. “Mr. Pudgy Wudgy.”

“I’ll make a deal,” Slick said. “If you let me stay here, I’ll let you buy in to my project.”

“No,” I said.

“You have to let me stay!” Slick said. “This could be my big break.”

“You’ll only be gone for a couple hours,” I told him.

“I’ll be gone forever. No one’s going to bond me out this time. My parents aren’t going to bond me out again. And I have no one else.”

“Not my problem,” I said.

“He’s got my curiosity,” Lula said. “I want to know about the big break. I’m always on the lookout for a big break.”

“It’s the zombies,” Slick said. “I found the portal. There’s only one place in this whole cemetery where the earth has been disturbed.”

“You aren’t gonna turn into a zombie, are you?” Lula asked. “I have to tell you that’s not a big break. Those zombies are unattractive.”

“I’m going to film them,” Slick said. “I’m going to make a zombie documentary. It’s genius, right? Nobody’s done it.”

“Because there really aren’t zombies?” I asked.

“Don’t pay attention to her,” Lula said to Slick. “She’s one of them disbelievers. I think this has potential. How are you gonna do this?”

“I’m going to sit here and wait until the zombies show up. I figure they might be coming and going. Like this is home base. And then when they show u

p I’m going to film them.”

“You got equipment?” Lula asked.

“I have a GoPro that has infrared filming, and I have my cellphone.”

“I might know where you can get some professional stuff,” Lula said. “As I see it, your big problem is stopping the zombies from eating your brain.”

“So far, they’re only taking brains from people who are already dead, so I think I’m safe as long as I’m alive.”