I waved at Ranger. “No security system.”
Ranger smiled and told his men to pack up and head out.
“I saw that smile,” I yelled at him. “You have a sick sense of humor.”
I went inside and took a position on the couch. Stephanie Plum, bodyguard, on the job. My mother sat on one side of me and Grandma sat on the other. My father settled into his chair, took possession of the remote, and clicked the television on. After that instant, it was all a blur of game shows and talent shows and commercials about drugs to cure psoriasis, drugs to give you a stiffy, and Marie Osmond helping you to lose fifty pounds.
My father fell asleep in his chair at nine o’clock. My mother finished her Big Gulp and went to bed. Grandma took over the remote and tuned in to a rerun of Naked and Afraid.
“I got all these shows recorded,” Grandma said. “I got enough to take us to midnight.”
One episode of Naked and Afraid might be fun. A marathon would be hell on earth. I love my family. Truly. But I’d have a hard time choosing between a Naked and Afraid marathon and letting someone firebomb the house.
“Gosh,” I said to Grandma, “I’d love to stay, but I promised Morelli I’d spend the night with him.”
“I can’t compete with that,” Grandma said. “He’s hot. Jimmy was okay, but he wasn’t no Morelli.”
This was true. Not many men were Morelli. I packed up and told Grandma to call if there was a problem. I trudged out to the Buick, turned the key in the ignition, and the car sputtered and died. I looked at the gas gauge. Empty. I abandoned the Buick and bummed a ride to Morelli’s house with the Rangeman guys.
I called Ranger and told him I’d be staying with Morelli tonight, so his guys could leave. That was the deal when Ranger was in protection mode. If I was with Morelli, Ranger felt I was safe, and he could back off.
“Babe,” Ranger said.
I wasn’t sure what Babe meant in this instance. It sounded a little like he thought I was settling for second best.
* * *
—
Morelli was watching hockey with Bob when I walked in.
“So?” he said.
“Crisis averted.”
I sat next to him, and he wrapped an arm around me. “I’m glad you came back,” Morelli said.
“How glad?”
“Glad enough to shut the television off.”
“Wow. That’s really glad.”
“Okay, I have to be honest with you,” Morelli said. “It’s only pre-season and the Rangers are losing. And it’s not the same since they traded Zuccarello.”
“So, are you hinting that you need pity sex because of Zuccarello?”
“Would that work?”
“Yeah, but what about me? Do I get Zuccarello pity sex too? Just before they traded him, I bought a Rangers jersey with his name on it.”
“Cupcake, you’re going to get pity sex that will be life changing. You’re going to be a new woman when I’m done with you.”
This had some appeal, since I was wanting to be a new woman anyway. Between the extensions and the pity sex, I’d be on my way to somewhere.
“Okay,” I said. “Where do you want to do this? What’s the first step?”
“I need the workbench to execute this properly.”