And I didn’t want to find out.
“You should’ve left me alone,” I said. “I was going to leave that crap hidden, but you’re not going to let it go, are you?”
“Of course not,” he said, frustrated. “Can you blame me?”
“Yes, I can.” I went to push past him. He grabbed my wrist and wouldn’t let me past, and I was suddenly inches away from his chest, staring up into his large, angry eyes, his perfect lips turned down into a snarl, his muscular chest against mine. God, Cam was big, so much bigger than I remembered, but also so much the same. His mannerisms, his way of speaking, it was Cam, still Cam, even if the mafia had shaved him down and reshaped him into a killer.
“Let me go,” I said softly.
His lips came closer. “You can’t lie to me,” he said. “If you want this thing to work, you can’t lie.”
“I didn’t lie,” I said, not moving. “Now let me go.”
He was so close. Lips inches from mine. I wanted it and hated myself for it, wanted him to close that gap and press his mouth against my own, and I was terrified that that would make me feel.
“You’re taking me to collect them,” he said, still lingering there.
“No,” I said. “You know where they are. You go get them.”
“I’m not leaving you alone,” he said. “The second I turn my back is the second you’ll run.”
“I guess that’s a risk you’ll have to take then,” I said, and ripped my wrist from his grasp then shouldered past him. He let out an annoyed grunt as I left him there and stormed down the hall and into his room. I shut the door, locked it, then sat down on the floor at the base of the bed with my knees pulled to my chest.
Broken, always so broken. I hadn’t been whole in a long, long time.
I should’ve given him the USB sticks from the start. I didn’t know why I hid it—probably because I wanted some sort of leverage, and that was all I had. He wouldn’t care about the money and I knew it from the start, and yet I lived so long keeping everything a secret that it felt strange to tell him something he didn’t absolutely have to know.
I’d lost my sense of trust. I left it behind out there on the street, and I wasn’t sure if I could bring it back.
I wouldn’t run. I knew I was stuck here for a while, even if it hurt. Every time I let him down and showed him just how fractured I’d become, it only wiggled a knife deeper into those cracks and widened them, bit by tiny bit, until I’d eventually fall into tiny pieces.
I didn’t know how to keep myself together.
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to remember the last time I was happy. It’d been so long, but I could still almost smell it: Cam’s arm over my shoulder, laughing with him at the park while we drank cheap beer from paper bags that some friend’s older brother bought. He looked down at me, grinning big and white, and tilted his head. “Doesn’t get any better than this,” he said, and I smiled back at him, and knew he was right.
And he was still right, because it hadn’t.
I stayed in that room for the rest of the day and hoped I wouldn’t pay for all my careless anger.
6
Cam
I left her alone in my apartment. I didn’t want to do it, but I played my hand and she left me no choice. I needed those USB sticks, and she wasn’t about to make my job any easier.
So I backtracked through that park, found the alley, and spent the next half hour poking at every brick in that goddamn wall until I found the right one. The cash was there, the sticks were there, and I shoved the entire haul into a black gym bag. It looked pathetically empty, hanging off my shoulder, but it probably contained the most important objects in the entire city.
Linc met me at the Feast and Famine, a dive bar on the southern tip of the Valentino territory. Not many people went there, and it took him a few minutes to show up. I downed a whiskey before he finally came inside with his laptop tucked under one arm.
We retreated to a table in the back and he flipped open the lid. “What’s so important that you had me come all the way down here?” Linc asked.
I spilled the bag onto the table. He stared at the USB sticks, fourteen in total, then looked up at me with a bemused grin.
“Irene took these from Ronan,” I said, gesturing at the pile. “She took those sticks and a few hundred dollars.”
Understanding flashed across Linc’s face. “And he was going to kill her,” he said. “Which means these things are important.” He picked one up and held it between two fingers. “No wonder he’s got guys out looking for her.”