Because I couldn’t stop. Watching her, I mean.
I couldn’t look anywhere else when she leapt and jumped and spun on her toes.
And then I remember walking toward her.
I don’t know what made me do that but one second I was standing still and the next, I’d started moving.
It was as if she was gravity.
A blue-eyed, blonde-haired force of nature.
And good thing too because somewhere in her spinning and leaping, she lost her balance. But I got there just in time to catch her.
I grabbed her arm, and this part I distinctly remember.
I distinctly remember leaving muddy fingerprints on her skin, on her dress.
I remember dirtying her up because I guess before I saw her, I was playing ball or something and my hands were all messed up. I remember wanting to snatch them away, to keep her all clean, and yet all I did was hold her harder.
And when she stared up at me with her big blue eyes and said ‘thank you’ in a voice that reminded me of the cotton candy that my sister liked, there was no chance that I was letting her go.
But I had to.
Because her brothers descended on me.
By then I was familiar with them. With Ledger Thorne specifically.
We went to different schools but I’d heard about him. I’d heard about his older brothers too, soccer legends all and so he had to be one as well.
I fucking hated them for it.
I fucking hated them for their glory, their talent.
For the fact that I’d always seen them together around town, with their oldest brother Conrad leading the charge. Watching out for his siblings.
I fucking hated that they had each other when my sister and I had no one, not even decent parents.
And strangely in that moment, I hated them for leaving their sister alone and unattended.
For not watching over her, for almost letting her fall so that I had to swoop in and save her.
But whatever.
They were all there now and they’d pushed me away so they could take care of her and they could all go fuck themselves.
I didn’t even know why I’d saved her in the first place.
Why I cared enough to save her.
Their sister was their responsibility, not mine.
Angry at myself, I walked away and I kept walking even when I heard her say in that sweet, cotton candy voice, But he saved me…
Again, whatever.
I don’t think she remembers that day. A random kid from the playground saving her from falling.
Why would she?
I don’t even know why I remember it, let alone why I’m thinking about it right now.
Maybe because I just saw her after two years at that shitty bar.
Maybe because I’d forgotten how small she is.
How short and fragile.
How easy to pick up and carry away.
Most of all I think I’d forgotten how she looked when she danced. How enchanting, hypnotizing.
Enthralling.
Like a true fairy.
They didn’t lie, did they? All those people who talked about her when she was little.
No one dances like her.
And she does hold her brothers’ hearts in her hands.
Because I used that two years ago. The fact that they all love her to death and will do anything for her.
I didn’t set out to do that though.
Just to be clear.
I didn’t set out to play with her heart and then break it.
I can be cruel and heartless, but using her wasn’t my plan.
In fact, I stayed away from her.
I stayed away even when she showed up at my party in the woods two years ago, looking all innocent and lost. As if stepping out of a dream. I even followed the pact, the stupid fucking pact, that I’d made with her brother later.
We’d decided that we wouldn’t bring each other’s sisters into our rivalry and I agreed.
I agreed even when she made it really hard to stay away from her. I agreed even when she dangled herself in front of me at every turn, looking like a perfect opportunity.
Looking like a shiny trophy.
But.
The thing to understand is that I needed to win that day. I needed to be the reigning champion of Bardstown High.
I needed that title.
I hadn’t won the previous year. That jackass, Ledger, won by one measly goal and stole the title from me. Just like he stole the captainship.
The captainship that belonged to me.
But Conrad Thorne, our coach and Ledger’s brother, didn’t like my playing style. He thought I was reckless and selfish and didn’t think about the team.
Well, I fucking carried that team. Who cared if I thought about them or not?
So yeah, I needed that win.
I needed it because I knew it would upset my father. It would upset him greatly, and let’s just say it’s my life’s mission to upset my old man.
I’m a generous son that way.
I’d decided that I would serve that win to my father on a silver platter and that’s what I did.