I stand up from my seat then.
On shaking legs, I go to him and grab the sleeve of his t-shirt. “No. Absolutely not. I didn’t forget. I can’t, okay? That’s the whole problem. I can’t forget what he did and I can’t forget him and God, Ledger, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for putting you through all that. I never meant to fall in love with him. I never meant to betray you. Please, you have to believe me. You’re my whole world. You guys are my whole world and I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“But it did.”
Swallowing thickly, I nod.
Ledger studies me for a few long seconds before he jerks his arm out of my grip and begins to walk away. He walks out of the dining room and marches down the hallway, and I call out after him, “Ledger, what are you doing?”
I run after him when he doesn’t answer.
I find him at the front door, turning the knob and stepping out into the November night. I’m about to go stop him when I hear, “You’re not having a baby.”
Like before, everything stops.
My heartbeat. My breath.
I turn around to look at him. My oldest brother, who’s spoken these words. Who’s finally said something after I so tactlessly broke the news to him.
He stands in the living room, just by the leather couch, all tall and broad.
Commanding.
“What?” I whisper.
“You’re not having this baby,” he repeats.
“W-what does that mean?”
A harsh emotion passes through his features. “It means that you’re going to have an abortion.”
I put a protective hand on my belly then. It’s not even a conscious thought. “A-abortion.”
Con eyes my hand on my belly and his chest moves with a sharp breath.
“I’m going to call Dr. Hartley tomorrow,” he says, referring to our longstanding family doctor. “And see if he can recommend a clinic. Something discreet and reputable. I’ll try to get an appointment, probably for this weekend. It will be hard but I need this taken care of as soon as possible.”
“But I —”
“So you can go back to school Monday.”
“But I don’t want you to take care of it.”
His thick brows draw up together and his voice goes even deeper. “Excuse me?”
Swallowing, I take my hand off my belly and fist my fingers at my sides.
I run through all the arguments and points that I’d listed in my notebook. All the reading I’ve done and all the information I’ve collected.
Deep breaths, Callie.
I can do this.
I can absolutely do this. I can make my case.
“I don’t want you to take care of it, Con. I-I’m not getting an abortion,” I tell him.
“Are you fucking joking?” Con thunders.
I flinch at his tone.
I want to hide at his tone. I want to just agree with him but I can’t. I have to fight.
I have to.
I have to think of… her.
“I’m not terminating my baby, Con,” I say, trying to hold on to my courage.
“Your baby.”
“Yes.” I raise my chin. “My baby.”
When I was making all the decisions, I also decided that it’s going to be a girl.
As I said, I don’t remember anything about my mom except what my brothers have told me and it has always made me sad.
Not having a mom. Not having a friend in my mom.
So I’m going to have a friend in my baby girl.
Of course I know that you can’t decide these things, but still. I’m going to have a baby girl and I’m going to take care of her. I’m going to love her and be there for her like I imagine my own mother being there for me before she died. And as soon as I decided that, there was no thought of terminating her.
There was no thought of killing my baby.
I’ve already lost my mother, I’m not going to lose my baby too.
“Your baby that you’re having at eighteen fucking years old,” he snaps in a raised voice.
This time I’m better able to handle it though.
I hardly flinch when I say, very calmly, “I’m Mom’s age when she had you.”
His response is to clench his jaw, grind his teeth as he stares at me angrily. But again I don’t let it deter me.
I have to make my case.
“I know you think it’s a mistake. I know that. I know you think that I can’t do it. But I can. I know I’m young and it will be hard. I’m not saying it won’t be. But if Mom could do it, I can do it too. In fact, I have a plan. I made a plan, Con.”
I look around and find my green backpack sitting on the floor by the coffee table. “I have it in my bag. I have a list of all the things that I need to do before she gets here. First, I’ll quit school. I know that’s not ideal. I know that. But I need a job and I need to save up money right now. But I’m not giving up on my education. I’m not. I’ve decided to get my GED while I wait for her to be here, and once she gets a little bigger, I’ll enroll in online classes or night classes. There are so many options these days, Con. It’s not like before. I looked at so many brochures online and you can take out student loans. There are options for young mothers, see?