Jae giggled.
“What was that for?” Ryder asked in an amused, sleepy voice.
She shook her head and watched him from the corner of her eye. His eyes were closed, his arms locked behind his head.
“You’re not what I expected.”
“Hmm, no? I guess I wasn’t expecting you at all.”
She chuckled and gazed at the stars, distant lights in the dark ceiling over their heads. “Fair enough.”
“You glad to be home?”
It was weird how glad she was to be home. Having been so set against coming back, having been so determined to leave in the first place, she still couldn’t quite work out her own sudden feelings.
“Very.”
“Told you.”
“Yeah, there’s no need to be smug.” She edged a little closer to his body heat. “It’s still weird, though.”
Jaeden almost laughed at the way one of his eyes snapped open in alert. “What is?”
“Like I said before, I was so set against coming home and then … just as suddenly, I couldn’t believe I had ever thought leaving was the answer.”
He rolled onto his side, his head propped in his hand. “You went through a lot, Jaeden. You keep saying you’re okay, but maybe that sudden switch in feelings is just part of what you’re dealing with.”
No, she thought inwardly, no, I really am okay.
As if he could hear her thoughts, he reached out to stroke her cheek. She curled into his touch.
“How can you be okay, Jae? I don’t understand how you can be okay.”
With that she withdrew, her eyes fixed back on the sky. She didn’t want to pull away from him, but she didn’t want him thinking she needed help when she knew she didn’t.
“I thought we’d been over this already. You’re starting to sound like a broken record.”
“We’ve not been over it to my satisfaction.”
It bothered her that he wanted to talk about all the bad stuff when all she wanted was to forget it. And she could; she could do that now that she had him, now that she had something to look forward to, something to work toward.
At her silence, she could feel his tension build, his frustration pulling tighter and tighter until—
“For Artemis’s sake, Jae, talk to me.”
With a huff, she drew herself up on the truck, tucking her legs in close to her body. Finally, she allowed her gaze to drift over him. As his eyes blazed with a mixture of emotions, she was reminded how lucky she was that someone like him cared enough to keep asking, despite her stubbornness each time he did.
“What is it you want to know, Ryder?”
He sat up, his huge body taking up most of the hood, drawing her closer toward him.
“I want to know if you really are coping with what happened with Ethan. Are you still having nightmares?”
She clenched her teeth, grinding them back and forth as she squeezed out, “You really are trying to embarrass me to death.”
“Why is this embarrassing?”
She dodged the question. “I thought we talked about this that night in the motel room. I told you I was fine.”
“Yeah, and I … I don’t get how you can be.”
Goddess, he was a frustrating pain in the ass. No wonder he was a Rogue Hunter; he was completely relentless.
“I told you I don’t understand my change in feelings.”
“I told you that’s not what I’m asking about.”
“Ryder … ” She threw him a pleading glance. “This is what I’m afraid of. You’re doing what my parents are doing.”
“What?”
“Trying to decide if I need access to a mental health professional.”
“Well, do you? Lykans have their own therapists, you know.”
“Ryder!”
“Jaeden, I just need to know you’re okay.”
“Yes, I’m okay!” she yelled at him. “I’m okay because of you. Because I love you! You big ass!” Face pulsing with heat from the blood rushing under her skin, Jae made to throw herself off the hood only to struggle against a steel hold wrapped around her waist. She yelped as it dragged her and slammed her none too gently on her back. Ryder held her down, his eyes bright as they roved over her, red face and all. He looked … surprised.
This is it. It’s true. You can die of embarrassment. He thinks I’m insane.
“You … you’re okay because of me?” he asked incredulously.
“Well, not just you,” she said, still pinned under him. “The fact that I might be useful to Caia in the war is also keeping me sane.”
“You plan on fighting?” He frowned.
“What did you think I’ve been practicing for?”
“Huh.” He looked off into the trees and then his eyes narrowed back on her. “I don’t know if I like that too much.”
“You can just take a flying—”
“Now, now, I said I didn’t like it, but I get it.” He nodded and pulled back, allowing her to scramble up and regain some equilibrium. “It makes sense that it would help.”