“This isn’t pretend for me. Nothing about this has been fake for me since the first day you puked your way into my life.” I pause, wishing she would turn around and give me the finger or call me an ass. Since she doesn’t and just keeps her hands on the counter in front of her with her head bowed, I keep going and speak to her back, because nothing is going to stop me from getting this out now. “I will hate myself for the rest of my life that I was such a goddamn pussy and didn’t just ask you out on a real date like I should have. Because you deserved that. You deserved for me to tell you on the beach that first day jogging that I couldn’t stop thinking about you from the first moment I met you. For five months, even when I didn’t know your goddamn full name, I couldn’t stop thinking about this beautiful, smart, funny woman who lit up my fucking life for a few hours one night, when I was feeling sorry for myself.”
I pause, watching Emily’s shoulders move up and down faster with each word I say, wishing she’d just turn around, and give me those gorgeous green eyes of hers. I take a few deep breaths before I continue when she doesn’t move.
“And when I pulled my head out of my ass and realized you really were a good, honest, and kind person who wasn’t trying to screw me over, I should have told you that. I should have told you that I have adored you from the first moment I laid eyes on you, even when you were insulting me in my own home. I let you slip away from me once, and when I found you again, there was no way in hell I was going to make that same mistake twice. I really wanted to date you, and I really wanted you to say yes, but I didn’t think you would, so I chickened out. I made it all about playing pretend, just so you wouldn’t tell me to get the hell off your island again, and just so you’d let me spend time with you again and light up my fucking life again with your smile, and your sarcasm, and how you just let me be me. You keep me on my toes, and you keep me grounded at the same time. You drive me fucking crazy, and I love every minute of it. But I don’t want anything to be fake anymore, Emily. I want to see where this could go, when you stop pretending like you don’t want this to be real. I really like you, and I think you really like me too, but you’re afraid.”
That does it. That makes my little fireball finally whirl around and face me, with heat in her eyes and her hands on her hips.
“For five months, you couldn’t stop thinking about me so much you never even tried to find me.”
There’s fire in her glare, but there’s quivering emotion, and hurt in her voice that almost brings me to my goddamn knees, but something finally clicks in my tiny, stupid brain when I figure out what’s happening here.
She trusts me with her body, but she doesn’t trust me with her heart.
She doesn’t believe the words I’m saying, and why would she, when she thinks we’ve been playing pretend this entire time? I quickly realize this is going to take more than a few flowery words in the back of a concession stand.
“I actually did try to find you. For weeks. Not one damn person at that party would return my calls or my texts, because I’m pretty sure they thought it wasn’t really Quinn Bagley leaving a message on their phone,” I inform her.
She studies my face for a few quiet minutes, and I don’t know if she sees the truth in my words or not, since she doesn’t say anything else to me. With my heart pounding in my chest after laying everything out in the open, I walk back up to her, pressing one hand against the side of her face and leaning down to kiss her cheek, holding my lips there for a few beats before moving them to her ear.
“When you’re ready to stop with the bullshit and be real with me… all the fucking time… you know where I’m staying.”
Dropping my hand from her face and pulling back, I give her a wink to soften the blow of everything I just said to her, and maybe to annoy her just a little bit, before turning and walking out the back door of the concession stand, hoping I didn’t just screw everything up with her by taking Bodhi’s advice.
And hoping Shepherd has that florist on speed dial….