The CEO & I

An idea comes to me.

When I get back to the hotel, I go up to our suite. I open the bottle and take a couple of swigs. It’s cheap stuff and it burns my throat. I chuck it in the bin, and sit down at the table with my laptop.

Chapter 23

Jade

It’s the last day of the seminar, and it’s almost time for Luke’s speech. This is the huge finale to the whole convention. Everybody will be there. Well, lah-di-fucking-dah, and good for him. He’ll be the star of the show. I feel extraordinarily bitter today, as I should be. I don’t know how I will sit there and watch him give his speech. I know this is my own damn fault for hooking up with my boss.

I won’t be able to do this when we get back to the states. I can’t be his assistant if he can’t even respect me enough to tell me his feelings. He can’t just keep stringing me along until he’s ready to make up his mind about me.

I know he has feelings for me. Maybe not love, but certainly some sort of affection and desire for me. But the fact that he won’t tell me bothers me. It’s like he’s ashamed he has feelings for me, and I think that part hurts the worst.

I stayed up half the night, crying and looking for a new job.

I walk into my bathroom, hoping I don’t have to see him for the rest of the day. I don’t want to talk to him. I just want to get through the rest of this trip and go home. I’m so over this entire episode.

Before we came on this trip, I wanted to be with him so bad that I would have sacrificed almost anything to make it happen. I would have done whatever he asked me to so we could be together. That had been a mistake. I never should have given my heart away.

I just want the pain, the hurt, and the anger to stop.

I want it all to go away.

There’s a knock on the bedroom door, and I hold my breath, but it’s obviously not important because there isn’t another knock. There aren’t sounds of him clearing his throat or any desperate declaration of love. My breath comes out in a rush. At this point, I have to admit that there never will be.

I turn the shower on, setting it all the way to hot. I step inside and quickly suck air in through my teeth. The water is almost scalding. It stings my skin like cleansing fire. It’s a good way to burn away my feelings.

The bathroom is steamy already, and I haven’t even been in for very long. I wash my hair and then my body, trying to free myself of what I’m feeling inside. Of what I’m thinking. I stand and let the water fall over my body for a long time. I’m soaking up the heat. I know I’ll have to face him again when I get out.

Finally, when I can no longer put it off, I reach down, and turn the water off. I slide the glass door open and snag my towel off the nearby rack. The cool air sweeps across my naked, wet body, leaving goosebumps in its wake. I towel off and look for what I will wear.

It takes me almost an hour to get ready, but that’s because I’m dragging this out. I have to go to his presentation, regardless of how I’m feeling. I have to sit and listen to the man I love talk to hundreds of strangers when he refuses to talk to me.

When I emerge into the lounge, I see that everything I laid out for his speech yesterday is gone, and so is he.

I wait until the last minute to head to the auditorium. I’m nervous. My stomach is in knots. God, why am I so nervous? I’m not the one who has to give the damn speech. I’m not the one that has to stand up in front of hundreds of people and make my company look good.

I walk over to the giant convention center that’s attached to the hotel. My heart feels fragile as I think about how excited I was when we first got here. Everything seemed like such an adventure. My first trip abroad. Being with Luke. My heart had been so carefree and so full of expectation. I thought I was going to have fun.

I place my hand on my stomach. I still don’t understand why I’m so nervous. I smile politely at people who smile at me as I enter the convention center. I’ll die before I let any of these people know I’m not okay.

My eyes dart around the room. I don’t see Luke, but I assume he’s in the back somewhere waiting. He should be starting in just a few minutes. I find a seat towards the front. I wanted to sit in the back, but I know I need to be close, just in case he has issues with any part of his speech. Broken or not, it’s still my job to be his assistant, and I owe him that much. I won’t just leave him high and dry up there if things go tits up.