God I Hate that Man

I give up trying to puzzle it out. I don’t think even Finn fully understands his grandpa’s reasoning behind this, and he knew the man a hell of a lot better than I did. I turn my head to speak to Finn. His eyes are closed. I don’t think he’s asleep, but I don’t think he’s far from it either. It is getting pretty late. “We should go to bed,” I say.

He turns towards me, opens one eye, and smiles at me. “We can’t. Remember our rule?”

“I meant separately,” I clarify with a soft laugh.

“We can’t anyway,” Finn shrugs.

“Oh? And why is that?” I ask.

“Because it’s the first rule of a blanket fort. Once you build it, you have to sleep in it,” Finn says like this is obvious.

“And that’s an official rule, is it?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

“Sure. At least it is now. My fort, my rules.” He closes his eye again and spreads his arm out.

I debate what to do and in the end, I think what the hell. I snuggle closer to Finn, turning onto my side and resting my head on his chest. He wraps his arm around me and I put my palm on his stomach, feeling it moving up and down with his breathing.

“I knew you’d see sense,” he mumbles, his voice thick with sleep.

“Well, I’d hate to break the rules of the fort. You know, since you put so much thought into them.”

He grunts in response and then he falls silent.

His breathing becomes deeper and I know he is asleep now. I debate sneaking away, but I decide against it. I lay awake for a long time, listening to Finn’s deep, even breaths, just enjoying being so close to him, knowing it’s a dangerous move and not caring.

I decide for one night to just enjoy this new-found closeness between us and stop worrying about what tomorrow might bring. I’ll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.

I must have fallen asleep eventually, because I wake up still in the fort. The lamp is no longer on and I know instantly I’m alone in the fort and I feel a little sad, like the magic from last night has gone. Finn obviously woke up and slipped away so he didn’t have to face me in the morning. I can’t even be mad at him for it after I did the same thing to him the other morning.

I sit up and stretch and then I crawl out of the fort. I stand still and listen, but the apartment is silent. Finn has gone to work. I shrug, telling myself it shouldn’t matter, but somehow it does. I shake the thought away and head for the kitchen where I can smell coffee. I touch the pot. It’s still warm. I open up the cupboard above the machine and grab my favorite mug. I pull it down and spot a sheet of paper rolled up inside of it. I pull it out with a frown. My frown turns to a smile when I unfold it and see it’s a note from Finn. I’m still smiling when I read it.

Sorry I had to run out. Even the magic of the fort can’t stop office emergencies. See you tonight, Finn x.

Okay, so maybe he didn’t run away so he didn’t have to face me, and maybe we haven’t quite lost the magic from last night.

I pour myself a coffee and sit down at the counter to drink it. I know nothing can happen between us and I’m slowly making my peace with that, but I like how Finn and I can connect on some level as friends.

15

Finn

I felt bad this morning about having to run out on Ashley, but I had an early morning video conference scheduled, like really early, and I didn’t want to wake her. I knew she would find my note and know I hadn’t run out on her, just that something came up I had to deal with. I almost left the note beside the coffee machine, but on a whim, I tucked it into her favorite mug instead.

Because of my super early start, I don’t feel guilty leaving the office at six instead of a stupidly late time. I figure Ashley will get in around half an hour after me now, since we’re no longer trying to avoid each other. Maybe we can have dinner together again. Or maybe tonight, she will feel like going out to eat.

I don’t bother changing. I’ll wait and see what she wants to do first before I decide what to wear. I sit down on the couch and then it hits me. I like Ashley. Not just desire her, not just like the way I feel when I’m fucking her. I actually like her as a person. I want to spend time with her even if nothing happens between us.