My training as a lawyer kicked in. “How long have you known Charlotte for Amy?”
“We met here in college the first day and became instant friends,” she said.
“I met her here too,” I said. “The point is that none of us knew Charlotte before Ohio. All that we knew was things she had told us. I’ve never met anyone who knew her in the past. Helen is like us. She met Charlotte the other day.”
“Helen!” Amy said, her face lighting up. “She would know. Can you give me her number?”
It was as though she’d heard nothing of what I said. “Sure.” I pulled out my phone from my pocket, punched in the screen and read out the number to her.
The waiter brought my coffee and I gratefully took a sip. I mused over what I’d said to Amy. Charlotte had been raised in very traumatizing circumstances. She’d been neglected and unloved. She’d never seen a therapist as far as I knew. What had that kind of upbringing done to her?
Maybe she couldn’t handle long term commitment. Looking at it like that, I realized that anything was possible with Charlotte. I had possibly even joined a queue of broken hearts she’d left in other places.
From listening to Amy’s conversation, Helen had received the same type of letter. Saying goodbye and explaining nothing.
I didn’t care what reasons or issues Charlotte had. You didn’t do something like that to people you loved. We had made vows to each other for fucks sake! Who walked out of a marriage that was less than a year old because they wanted to live a little? What had we been doing, acting? What sort of fucked up reason was that?
“Helen is devastated,” Amy said. “I caught her minutes after she’d come from reading her letter.”
We drank our coffee silently.
“What are you going to do now?” Amy asked.
A new wave of anger came over me. She had no right to do this to me. I’d had my whole life mapped out. With Charlotte by my side. Now, I had to go back to the drawing board and figure out what to do. One thing was for sure though, I was not going to sit around moping for her.
She was not worth it. I’d sacrificed everything for love and love had turned out to be a disillusion. “I’m going to go back home. To New York.”
Amy’s jaw dropped. “You’re not going to look for her?”
I shook my head. That chapter of my life was closed. Forever.
Charlotte
I was in a doctor’s office. This time, the village General Practitioner. I had seen him a few times when he came into the diner where I worked as a chef, to have his lunch. I’d made an appointment and gone to see him a few days earlier.
My stomach had been a mess for a while now. From vomiting to aching. I’d been sure it had something to do with stress or something bad I’d eaten at the diner. When it persisted, I’d decided to see a doctor.
It brought back horrible memories of the day I’d gotten the news about my eyesight. My peripheral vision was still bad but overall, it had not deteriorated further and for that I was grateful even though I knew it was only a matter of time.
It had been two months since I left my husband, my home, my friends and my life.
It had almost broke me as it was the hardest thing I’d ever done. As I sat in the waiting room, memories of that day washed over me. I’d planned to leave the house at noon but couldn’t do it. I’d tried to think of other ways. Maybe Alex and I could divorce and remain friends.
But I’d known that I was clutching on straws. If I loved him, then I had to let him go. I remembered the words I’d written in the letter to him and cringed. The aim had been to turn his love to hate.
Hate would help him leave Ohio and return to his family. Hate for me would make him want to live the life his parents had wanted for him. Had he found someone else already? I pushed away those painful thoughts.
What about Amy and Helen? Did they miss me? Had my flimsy explanation of why I had to leave been sufficient? Maybe for Helen but not Amy. She knew me too well and she had to have suspected that something else was up. I missed them so much.
Every morning, when I got up and found myself in my one-bedroom house, I fought the temptation to go back home. I had to remind myself that I had no home in Grantsville to go back to. That was the choice I’d made to give the man I loved a new beginning in life.
“Daisy Evans,” the receptionist said and I stood up.