All emotion floods from his features, and he drops his gaze to my mouth. “Canyon…”
“Mmm?”
I can’t help myself. Even when he annoys me, I need to touch and kiss him. He’s mine, and I’m his. It’s just how it is. I nuzzle my nose against his.
“I think…” He swallows hard as though it’s a struggle to form words.
“I love you too,” I whisper as he murmurs out the words, “I think we should break up.”
Time stops at the same time my heart does.
What. The. Fuck?
Alister
He loves me?
Pain lances through me, shredding my heart and making my stomach twist violently. It doesn’t matter. Things are getting too out of hand. I almost kissed him at dinner. In front of our dads. Then, later, he tried to hold my hand in front of them. We’re going to get caught, and I can’t handle the fallout. Not now. Not when my life feels so brittle and wrecked. Dad will kick me out. Send me packing to go live with my real dad.
I try to imagine a life in St. Louis with Colin. He paints a picture of me going to college and then coming to work for him. Of us doing father-son activities to make up for the years we lost. He claims it’s where I belong. With him. As his son.
I’d been fighting it tooth and nail because I don’t want to go there. I feel like I’m being forced to choose between Quinn and Colin as my dad. There’s never a question. Quinn is the father I know and love. Being out in the open with Canyon means giving my dad up. Writing one person out of my life to write a new one in. I shouldn’t have to choose. The longer I’m with Canyon, the harder the choice will be. As it stands, I could keep them both in my life—even if Canyon hated me for it—if we broke up. I could still live here and see them.
The alternative is Colin.
“I can’t lose him,” I tell Canyon, my voice quaking as tears burn at my eyes. “I can’t.”
A dark look clouds over his features. “But you can lose me?”
“No,” I choke out. “I keep you both this way.”
His blue eyes flare with rage. “Fuck you, Sommers.”
He starts to shove away from me, but I’m not done with him. Hell, I don’t think I’ll ever be done with him. My fingers latch onto his shirt, yanking him to me. His forehead presses to mine, but he makes no moves to touch me. He’s trembling. With fear or anger, I don’t know. All I know is it makes me want to pull him into my arms until the shaking subsides.
“It’s for the best,” I lie even as the tears of my truth streak down my cheeks.
“No.” Canyon shakes his head, but since it’s pressed to mine, my head moves with his. “I already promised you. Roommates, remember? We’re getting a cat.”
The desperation in his voice is like acid on an open wound. I flinch from the searing awfulness of it. Because I’m responsible for the sound. Strong, unflappable Canyon Voss is close to begging. It’s more than I can handle.
“They can’t find out, and they will—”
“They won’t,” he hisses. “I swear it. Please, Wonderland, for fuck’s sake, don’t do this to me.”
Someone sobs and I don’t know if it’s one or the both of us in pained unison.
“But, you said—”
“Forget what I said,” he whispers. “I take it back. We can stay a secret forever as long as there is a forever.”
Forever feels too good to be true.
It always has.
Since I was ten years old, all the good parts of my life felt temporary. The inevitability of my harsh life was to return when I least expected it.
His thumbs swipe away the wetness on my cheeks, and then he captures my lips in a rough, possessive kiss. As though he can keep me rooted here by writing it into law with each nip, suck, and caress of his mouth over mine.
I want to believe in his unspoken promises.
That we can remain a secret, and I can keep Dad too.
He pulls back long enough to peel off his shirt, and then his lips are on mine again. We fumble at each other’s pants, both of us eager to be skin on skin. It’s a scramble to see who can get naked faster, all while never breaking stride with our kissing.
I don’t want to lose this. I need Canyon. He fills me up with heat and happiness and him. I get drunk off his taste and smell and touch.
“You’re mine,” he growls, kissing down my naked torso as he kneels in front of me. “Don’t ever try that shit again. You can’t make me go away.” He grips my dick and licks the tip where my piercing is. “I won’t let you.”