Cruel Saints

The dominance in me thirsts for her submissiveness. It calls to me, demanding me to make her mine.

Chapter 9

ELENA

It takes everything I have to not break down and cry. Nothing has ever felt as good as Lucian holding me. My thoughts are all over the place, but I manage to latch onto one. Lucian did what Alfonso couldn’t – he made Dante leave.

For the first time in my life, someone stood up for me. This man whom I should fear has shown me compassion when I was drowning in despair. He protected me.

I tighten my hold on him, squeezing my eyes shut as I fight back the tears because I feel safe.

Safe.

I can’t remember if I ever felt safe.

It makes me want to cling to Lucian forever, but knowing that’s not a possibility, I loosen my grip around his waist. I bring my hands to his sides, but when Lucian doesn’t pull back and instead tightens his hold on me, my eyes drift shut again. I take a deep breath of his aftershave and soak in the feel of his stronger body pressed against mine.

It’s soothing instead of threatening.

Having someone show me something other than abuse begins to break down the walls I’ve tried to build up around myself. It exposes the parts of me I’ve worked so hard to keep hidden from Dante’s cruelty.

The human being who was dying to feel a gentle touch.

The girl who only wanted to be loved.

The woman who wants to be free.

Knowing I won’t be able to fight the tears for much longer, I try to pull away again, but still, Lucian won’t let go.

And. It. Shatters. Me.

I splinter into a million pieces, each one showing a glimpse of the hell I’ve been subjected to.

I gasp against Lucian’s chest, and my fingers dig into the expensive fabric of his jacket as the tears spill from my eyes.

He moves one of his hands to the back of my head, and he presses a kiss to my hair. Instead of it comforting me, it breaks my heart. It strips me bare because this man will rule the Mafia, which means he’s brutal and dangerous. There’s no way a monster like Dante can be controlled by someone who’s not a bigger monster.

And even knowing this, I don’t want Lucian to let go of me. He’s strong enough to fight all my demons. If only he wasn’t a demon himself.

A knock at the door finally has Lucian’s arms loosening their grip on me. His hands move to my shoulders, and I keep my head bowed, not wanting him to see my tears.

Lucian’s breath fans over my forehead, and then his mouth presses against my skin. I squeeze my eyes shut, another overwhelming feeling of comfort rocketing through me. My stomach tightens and spins all at once, the sensation making me a million times more aware of the man in front of me.

The instant Lucian steps around me to open the door, I turn and flee to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and take a moment to lean back against the wood, just needing to breathe.

I’m confused. Overwhelmed. Torn. A total mess.

It’s because of Lucian and not Dante’s surprise visit.

My heart wants to beg Lucian to keep holding me. My body is aware of his in a way I’ve never been aware of a man before. But my mind… my mind screams at me to run. To get away from the monsters in this world because it doesn’t matter what they look like, what suits they wear, or how good their arms feel – at the core, they’re all the same – evil and cruel.

Oh, Elena. Don’t do this to yourself. You can’t fall for Lucian just because he was nice to you. Yes, he’s dangerously attractive, and yes, it felt amazing to be held by him, but he’s still Lucian Cotroni. Everything he does has a motive. It’s strategic. He thinks he can get to your father through you.

I keep telling myself this until I feel a little calmer. Walking to the sink, I open the faucet and splash water on my face, cooling my skin. I grab a towel from the rack and pat the drops away, being gentle over the right side of my face.

Then I lift my head and look at the mirror. There’s an ugly bruise forming on my jaw, and Dante’s fingers have left abrasive red imprints around my neck.

And for the first time, I feel overly self-conscious of the marks. I’m not at the villa where I’m locked in my room so no one can see them. Not that anyone there has ever cared.

What matters is that Lucian has seen them, and it makes shame burn hot in my cheeks.

God, I already care what he thinks of me.

I need to stop whatever’s happening between us. I don’t know what Lucian’s intentions are, but I can control how I feel, and I refuse to fall for him.