Marx Girl

If I knew it was to be our last night together I would have done more, said more, done anything to make him stay.

The door opens, and I roll over. My heart catches in my chest.

“Ben,” I whisper.

He walks in and closes the door behind him, his hands clenching at his sides. He seems nervous.

I frown into the diluted light as I watch him.

“I wanted to see you,” he whispers.

I lie still. He can do the talking this time.

“I look at you like I want you…” He pauses and clenches his hands at his sides. “…because I do,” he whispers.

I frown.

“You have no idea how badly I want you, Bridget, or how hard it is for me to stay away.”

“Then why? Why are you doing this to us?” I whisper.

He sits on the side of the bed and cups my face in his hands, his eyes searching mine in the moonlit room as his thumb gently dusts over my bottom lip. He hesitates, and frowns as if pained. “I’m not who you think I am.”

I sit up, resting on my elbow, and I frown as I watch him. “Are you married?” I whisper. Oh, no. My heart starts to hammer. He has a whole other life in South Africa, doesn’t he? I have no idea what’s going on at home for him.

He shakes his head, and a soft smile crosses his face. “No, I’m not married.” He frowns harder, and leans in to kiss me softly. “But I’m not able to give you my heart.”

Tears fill my eyes.

He shakes his head. “Please…” He pauses. “Know that I love you, Bridget.”

“Ben,” I whisper. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”

He leans in and sweeps his tongue gently between my lips, and I scrunch my face up to fight the tears.

It’s there again, the urge to tell him that I love him.

This man makes me so weak.

I sit up and wrap my arms around his broad shoulders. We kiss slowly, and I feel my arousal start to rise.

“I’ve come to say goodbye,” he whispers against my lips.

“What?” My eyes search his again. “But you said—”

He cuts me off. “I can’t be who you want me to be, Bridget.”

“Yes, you can, Ben. You’re who I want,” I whisper angrily. Damn it, I hate this sneaking around shit. I can’t even raise my voice the way I want to.

He runs his thumb over my cheekbone as he studies my face. “I have a past, Didge, one that I don’t want to ever catch up with you. I won’t bring that into your life.”

I shake my head. “What are you talking about? We all have a past. We can work it out together, Ben.”

“Goodbye, Bridget,” he whispers sadly before he tries to stand, but I grab his wrist.

“No. Don’t go,” I beg as I lose control. “Don’t leave me. I love you.”

He bends and kisses me gently. “Remember me with love, angel.”

I stare at him through my tears.

“I love you,” he whispers.

I suddenly become panicked. “Don’t go,” I beg.

He stares at me in the darkness.

I shake my head, unable to stand it. I need more time. I need more time to try and make him stay. “One more time,” I whisper. “Say goodbye to me properly.”

“Bridget,” he breathes.

“Ben, it’s just the two of us here.” I pull him down to kiss his lips softly. “If you want to say goodbye to me, do it when you have to. I can’t bear to let you go tonight.” My voice cracks in pain.

“Baby, shh.” He calms me as he sweeps the hair back from my forehead and studies my face. “It will be all right.”

“How can it be all right if you’re leaving me?” I whisper through tears.

He takes me in his arms and we cling to each other tightly; so tight that it feels like I might break if I let him go. Maybe I will.

“I need you,” I murmur against his lips as he kisses me. His tongue dances with mine as his hand roams over my hip and he squeezes it with force.

“Bridget,” he murmurs, and I know that he’s having an internal battle with himself.

He wants me, but he thinks this is the wrong thing to do.

But making love to Ben could never be wrong, and I’ll face those consequences tomorrow. I slowly sit up and slide my white silk nightdress over my shoulders, and throw it onto the floor. His eyes drop hungrily to my breasts. I lay back and spread my legs as a silent invitation. His eyes drop to the crotch of my pale pink panties.

His eyes darken and his tongue darts out to swipe over his bottom lip.

Oh… he wants me all right.

I run my hand up over my breast and squeeze it. “It’s been six weeks since you’ve been inside me, Ben.” I arch my back off the bed. “I can’t stand another moment without you.”