Marx Girl

I’m sitting on the lounge, Adrian is next to me, and Tash is sitting at my feet. Mum, Brock, and Abbie are sitting at the table.

“I want him to be buried next to his sister,” I say.

Joshua and Natasha’s eyes meet.

“He has a twin sister, Meika. She died when she was twelve. I want him to be buried with her.” Josh’s face falls. “Where is that?” he asks.

“In South Africa.”

He writes something down on a piece of paper. “Do you know where?” he asks softly.

“He has an aunt who will know. Her number is in his apartment in Washington.”

He stands to leave the room.

“Joshua?” I call. He turns back. “Can you secure me a burial plot there beside his, please?”

His jaw clenches as his eyes hold mine. “You want to be buried in South Africa?”

I nod softly. “With Ben.”

I look around at my beautiful family, and I know I need to do this sooner or later. “This isn’t the circumstances that I wanted to tell you all this,” I murmur.

Brock’s sad eyes meet mine.

I smile softly at the memory of that perfect day. “Ben and I got married.”

I watch the frowns grow on their faces as their eyes stay fixed on me.

I put my hand over my stomach. “And I found out this week that I’m pregnant.”

Tash’s face creases in pain, and Joshua drops his head, his eyes filling with tears before he rushes from the room.

Mum begins to cry at the table and Adrian puts his head in his hands.

The full extent of what Ben will miss out on is devastating for all who loved him.

The happy ending he never got to have.

I stand, void of emotion. “I’m going to go and lie down now.” I walk back into my room on autopilot and stare at the wallpaper again.

Make the pain stop.

“Bridget.” Brock comes out of the kitchen with my phone. “It’s the United States Army. They want to talk to you.”

“Hello.”

“Hello, Mrs. Statham. This is Corporal Martin. My deepest condolences.”

“Thank you,” I reply flatly.

“I’m just calling to confirm where you wanted your husband’s body delivered to.”

I stare at Brock, unable to process the corporal’s question.

“Are you there, Mrs. Statham? He will be given a funeral in the United States with full honours, but we will release his body to wherever you want it.”

I frown as my eyes drop to the carpet. “Can I let you know tomorrow, please? We’re trying to tie up funeral arrangements, right now,” I whisper.

“Of course. I will call you tomorrow.”

I hang up and look at the pile of photographs of Ben on the table in front of me as I organise his service.

“Joshua?”

“Yeah,” he replies softly from his seat beside me.

“Can you organise the funeral to be filmed, please?”

Brock and Joshua exchange looks.

“I want the baby to be able to watch it one day.

Joshua drops his head. “Of course,” he whispers.

I walk through the shops with Mum and Tash. They’ve dragged me out of the house. They’re trying so hard to cheer me up, and I’m trying so hard to be brave like Ben would have wanted.

I want him to be proud of me.

We’ve been for cake, but I needn’t have bothered.

I’ve lost my sense of taste… smell… life.

We walk past a toy store and something catches my eye.

A Buzz Lightyear figure.

I freeze on the spot and stare at it for a moment. It’s funny that I should see this now. I’ve never seen this toy before. I frown as I stare at it and I walk into the shop without thought.

He’s all shiny, strong, and good. I press the button on his hand. The voice cries out, “To infinity and beyond!”

I smile and pick him up to take him to the counter.

“What are you doing?” Tash whispers.

“I’m buying my baby his first toy.”

I blow out a breath and take a look at myself in the mirror. I’ve got cabin fever.

I need to get out. I need to get away.

I walk out into the living room and everyone looks up in surprise.

“I’m going to the gym,” I announce.

They exchange looks. “Give me five minutes and I’ll come with you,” Tash says as she begins to stand. “Can I wear some of your gym clothes?”

I lift my chin defiantly. “Thanks, but I want to go alone.”

“Bridget…” Brock interrupts.

I hold my hand up. “Thank you all for the—” I pause to get my wording right. “Pity party we’ve got going on here, but I need to get on with it now. I have a baby to get ready for. You can go home now, please. I want to be alone.”

They all watch me.

I pick up my gym bag and walk to the door.

“Thanks for coming, everyone. Go home. I’m fine. I’ll call you all tomorrow.” I walk out the door and downstairs into my car, and then I drive out of the underground parking lot.