The Mixtape

I cleared my throat. “It hasn’t been the easiest year.”

“Understandable. But, I’ve been informed that you’ve been in the studio. Maybe working on some solo pieces?”

“Yes. Slowly but surely it’s coming together.”

“Is it hard creating music without your brother?”

Is it hard creating music without the one person who talked me into doing music in the first place? Is it hard learning how to be a solo artist when you’ve always been part of a duo? Is it hard not hearing Alex’s vocals and guitar on the songs when they come to a finish?

No, Brad. It’s insanely easy.

Don’t say that, Oliver. You’ll sound like a dick.

Damn, it was hot in here. Was there no air-conditioning? I bet Tyler was sweating buckets in the audience. Cursing under his breath about how I was bombing the interview.

The interview.

Answer Brad!

“Uh, yeah. It’s difficult.”

“It’s probably even tougher with the allegations that have come out about you and your relationship with Cam.”

Brad seemed so calm as he spoke. Almost as if he wasn’t speaking about how some lunatic was out to ruin my life after my life had already been extremely damaged from losing Alex.

I don’t want to be here.

I shifted in my chair. I felt everyone staring at me, but I couldn’t figure out what to say. I didn’t know how to speak up for myself. I didn’t know how to sit there and tell my truth to combat Cam’s lies.

“I, uh, I’m,” I started, but I began to get choked up. I grimaced and then scolded myself for grimacing because that would be picked up on camera. “I’m sorry, Brad. Can we take a break?”

Brad looked at the cameras, then to the producers off in the wings of the stage, who were furiously shaking their heads. But before Brad could reply, I was walking off set toward my dressing room. I yanked at the collar of my shirt, trying to take in deep breaths.

I swung the dressing room door open and cussed at the top of my lungs the moment the door shut behind me. “Fuck!”

“Fuck!” was echoed behind me as Tyler walked into the room. His face couldn’t have been redder if he tried. I couldn’t tell if he was pissed off, scared, or felt bad for me. Maybe a little of all three.

He paced for a minute before he stood still and took in a deep inhale. Then he looked to me. “Okay. It’s okay. Shit,” he muttered before taking a few more deep breaths. “Okay. I’m going to go talk to the producers, apologize, and let them know we’ll have to reschedule.”

“This is going to make me look worse,” I muttered in return, sitting down and rubbing my hands against my face.

Tyler didn’t respond, because he knew it was true.

He cleared his throat and patted me on the back. “Don’t worry, buddy. We’ll get it figured out. Not a big deal.”

Translation: a big fucking deal.

I bet the moment this news got out, Cam would be smirking with pride, knowing she’d kicked a dog that was already down.

There was a knock at the door, and Tyler called out, “Yeah, give us a minute!”

“Sorry,” a calm voice said. “I’ll wait.”

Emery.

“Let her in,” I said with a nod.

Tyler moved to the door and opened it. Emery stood there with a sad smile and Kelly’s backstage pass around her neck. That explained how she’d gotten past security.

“Hi,” she breathed out.

I couldn’t even form a word to greet her.

Tyler looked to me, then to Emery, then back to me. “Okay. I’m going to do damage control. Emery—don’t let anyone else come in here unless it’s me. No pop-up interviews, all right? You stay here with him and guard this door until I’m back.”

“Will do.”

Tyler left and closed the door behind him. Emery walked over to me and sat down in the chair beside mine.

“You okay?” she asked.

“You really need me to answer that?”

“No. But still . . . at least you almost did the interview. That’s a step closer in the right direction.”

“I was never good at this. I don’t do well under that kind of pressure. That was Alex’s ball game, not mine. I’ve just made everything that much harder for my PR team too. I keep fucking up, which in turn fucks things up for other people.”

“It isn’t your fault. This is too much pressure for anyone. I couldn’t imagine going out there and having to defend myself to garbage statements that were being made about me. It’s not fair that you even have to deal with this petty stuff after the year you’ve had.”

I shut my eyes and placed my hands on the sides of my temples. “I just need the world to slow down for a minute. I need my brain to slow down. It feels like I’m spiraling.”

“Okay,” Emery said. “Come here.”