Bad Habit (Bad Love 1)

“The bad news is that you have a nasty gash there,” he says, pointing two fingers in the direction of my head, “and you’re going to need a couple of stitches.”

“That’s it? When can I go home?”

“Well, seeing as how it’s…” he turns his wrist over to check his watch, “three in the morning, I’d rather have you stay here for a few more hours just as a precaution. I’ll let you go before shift change at around eight. Sound good?”

No, it doesn’t sound good at all, I want to say. Ash needs me. But I don’t. I let him stitch me up, try to convince Nat and Dash to go get some sleep, and watch Supernatural reruns for the next six hours, all while calling Ash over and over until my phone finally dies.

It’s eight forty-six by the time the doctor comes in with my discharge papers. I’ve been dressed and ready to go since seven.

“All right, Miss Briar,” he starts, flipping through the paperwork. “You have a mild concussion. You might have a headache for a few days, so try to take it easy. Unless you’re planning to play any contact sports, you should be good to go back to life as you know it.

“Here are the do’s and don’ts and what to watch for. If you experience any of these things,” he instructs, circling a section with his pen, “come straight back to the hospital. Any questions?”

“Nope,” I say, signing his copy. He gives me one more warning about taking it easy, and then we’re free to leave.

“I need to find Asher. Do you know what room his dad is in?” I don’t waste any time asking. Both Dash and Nat shake their heads. Ignoring their protests, I run in the direction of the nurses’ station with both of them trailing behind me. I smack my hands down on the desk, feeling out of breath and a little dizzy, but I can’t focus on anything other than finding Ash right now.

“Hi, can you tell me what room John Kelley is in?”

The tired nurse doesn’t even look up from her computer.

“Are you family?”

“No. It’s my boyfriend’s father,” I lie, ignoring the disapproving look on Dash’s face at the word boyfriend. I don’t know what we are, but “my sometimes fuck buddy, and sometimes enemy” isn’t going to get me the information I need.

“I’m sorry,” she says, finally looking up at me beneath thick-rimmed glasses. “I can’t release patient information unless you’re family.”

“Okay, then that’s my father,” I say through clenched teeth as Dash pulls me away by the elbow, apologizing on my behalf.

“Briar, you need to calm down. He wouldn’t be in his room. He’d be in the morgue by now. You’ve had no sleep and a fucking concussion. Let’s go home. Maybe he’s there,” Dash says, and Nat nods in agreement.

I know he’s just trying to get me back home, but I agree because he could be right. If I know Asher at all, he’s not sitting at John’s bedside. He’s either running or trying to numb any of the feelings that threaten to penetrate his wall of indifference. And everything he owns is currently at my house, so it’s a good a place to start as any.

Ignoring the throbbing in my temple, we make our way toward the exit and pile into Nat’s little car. I take the back seat, thankful for the chance to be alone with my thoughts. I close my eyes and rest my head against the black leather. So many different thoughts war for my attention. My dad sending Asher away and never saying a word. Whitley’s part in all of this. God, all these years, I thought she was just an annoyance. I had no idea that she was at the root of everything. What must Asher have thought of me? This entire time, he thought I betrayed him. That explains why he was so cold to me at first, but why would he ever get close to me again? And John. Gone, just like that. It’s hard to believe we just visited him, and he was up, walking around, eating food, and carrying on a conversation. It’s funny how everything can change in an instant. And by funny, I mean fucked up.

Any hope that I had dies the moment we pull up to the house and Asher’s truck is nowhere to be found. My pulse quickens as I punch in the code and walk inside. I can smell the faint trace of his cologne, and I can’t figure out whether it’s real or just my desperate mind willing it to be.

I go straight for the media room. His bag is gone. I check the hall closet that he sometimes used—nothing but sheets and blankets—and right here and now, I know he’s gone for good. Only this time, it’s so much worse. He let me fall in love with him. And he let me have just a taste of what it felt like to be loved by him, too. Then he took it away, leaving that hole inside of me even hollower than before.

I don’t know what it is—the weight of everything hitting me at once, or maybe just the lack of sleep—but I break down. Tears flood my face before I even feel them coming.

“He’s gone,” I cry, turning around, and Natalia’s in front of me in an instant, bringing my head to her chest and shushing me like a child as she runs her hand down the back of my head in a soothing gesture. “Why did I let it happen again? Why do I do this to myself?” I knew I was playing with fire. I was bound to get burned. But rebellious hearts know no consequences. Bad habits are easy to make and impossible to break, and Asher was the worst addiction of them all. I let him crawl inside my body, and he burned me from the inside out, leaving nothing but ashes in his absence.

“Bry,” Dash says in a hushed tone, and then I feel his hand on my shoulder. I turn to face him, and he pulls me in under his arm. I hug his waist to keep from slumping to the floor. I’m just so tired. Tired of lying, tired of sneaking around, of being hurt, of trying to please everyone.

“Why would Dad send him away?” I ask through the lump in my throat. “None of this makes sense.”

Dash kisses the top of my head and squeezes my shoulder.

“I don’t fucking know, but I’m going to find out.”

He says it with such conviction that I don’t doubt him for a second. And even though Asher is gone and nothing in my world seems good, I take comfort in the fact that I have my brother on my side. Someone who loves Asher as much as I do.

“Listen to me,” Dash says with more authority than I’m used to hearing in his voice. “I know you’re upset, and I know that everything is fucked up. But, I need you to get some rest. I’ll make you something to eat, and then you need to sleep.”

I don’t argue, because I know he’s right. Only I don’t know how I’m supposed to sleep when my whole world was just turned upside down. Natalia follows me to my room, and I pull out my favorite bloodstained T-shirt before climbing into bed and curling up in a ball on my side. Nat settles in behind me. We lie in silence

for a while, waiting for Dash, as she plays with my hair—my occasional sniffle or hiccup the only sounds. I must be a pathetic sight right now, crying into Asher’s T-shirt as my best friend tries to console me, but I’m too pathetic to even care in this moment. My head hurts from crying—or the fall, or maybe both—and my stomach growls, reminding me that I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon.