Sarah dropped to her knees, digging around in the snow-covered ground, looking for something. I could feel time slipping away, and I did the worst thing I could’ve done in that situation. Taking a deep breath, I dove back in. I opened my eyes underneath the water, searching for any sign of Luke. I moved under the ice, hardly seeing a thing, but finally, I made out a large blurry form.
I went back up for one more deep breath before going back under, moving to Luke as fast as I could. My body felt heavy, but my adrenaline kept me going. Before I could reach him, he started to sink.
No. No, no, no.
Summoning the strength and speed I didn’t know I had, I jetted toward him, managing to clench the hood of his jacket with my fist before he slipped out of reach. I was slow, so fucking slow, pulling him to the surface. His weight threatened to pull us both down and my lungs felt like they were going to burst, but somehow, I managed to get back to the hole we fell through.
“Dare!”
I heard Sarah’s muffled screams as I got closer to the surface, and when I finally broke through, she was lying flat on her stomach with a long branch extended toward us.
I heard the sirens, and I knew I just had to hold on a little bit longer. I tried to push Luke’s limp body onto the ice, but I only succeeded in tiring myself out. I felt like I was fading. Shutting down. Like my life was slipping away. In a last-ditch effort, I clutched Luke’s head to my chest and hooked my broken arm over the branch. I struggled to keep us both above water, my eyes closing, my muscles giving out.
“Just a few more seconds,” I told Luke.
And those were the last words I’d ever say to him, though he never heard them.
Lo’s sniffling brings me back to the present. I can’t meet her eyes, afraid of what I’ll find. “What happened after?” she asks, her voice a broken whisper.
“I don’t remember,” I say truthfully. “I passed out right as we were being rescued. They tried to revive Luke, but…” I clench my eyes shut, shaking the images of his lifeless body out of my mind. “They took me to the hospital, fixed my arm, and treated me for hypothermia for a few days.”
“Dare, you have to know—”
“Here’s what I know, Logan,” I interrupt, the harshness in my tone causing her to flinch. “I know that I delivered the kick that sent my brother, for all intents and purposes, into that water. I killed him. It’s a fact. There is no gray area here, so stop looking for one.” There’s no other way around it. I killed him. I took another life. I stopped a heart from beating.
“You tried to save him,” she argues, and I finally look at her face, hating the mixture of pain and pity I see looking back at me.
“But I didn’t. I couldn’t. And it’s my fault.”
“It was an accident,” she presses.
We’re quiet for a beat. Both of us trying to navigate what this means before she asks, “What set you off?”
“I saw Sarah and her dad at Sissy’s. This time of year always fucks me up, but I hadn’t seen them since that day, and it all came flooding back.”
Lo nods, understanding. “I didn’t believe it, you know. Even when I saw the article, right there in black and white.”
“And why’s that?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“Because, since I’ve met you, you’ve been nothing but good to me. You became mine and Jess’s family when our lives were falling apart. You’re good, even if you can’t see it.”
“So, what does this mean for us?” I ask the only question that matters, brushing a thumb across her slightly swollen lip.
“It means we get to be together without any secrets between us.”
My eyes close, reveling in the relief I feel from her words. “Sometimes, it’s hard for me to come out of the darkness. But I’m trying.”
“I’ll sit with you in the dark. I’m not a fan of the sun anyway,” she says, yawning.
“You are the sun.”
* * *
I CRUNCH THROUGH THE TWIGS and pinecones that litter the soft ground. June in River’s Edge means the snow has finally melted, giving way to lush greenery. Lo sent me a text telling me to meet her at my spot. Don’t ask me what the fuck she’s doing in the middle of the woods at dusk.
It’s been seven months since Lo came to River’s Edge and fucked my world up, in the best possible way. Five since the night all my sins came to light. Eric went to jail for a whole five seconds, much to my dismay, but when h
e returned home, the police were waiting for him. Surprisingly, his wife actually did get help like he told Lo, but his wife had also concocted a plan. Turns out, Eric had a history of hurting women, his wife being his primary victim. She set up a video camera, documented a couple of months’ worth of abuse, and filed for emergency custody. Rumor has it, she and Cayden moved away to start somewhere fresh. Meanwhile, Eric won’t be getting out of prison any time soon.