“If I’d known I was having company, I’d have straightened up a little,” she says, noticing Allie’s presence.
I snort. As if all this place needs is straightening up. Allie’s big gray eyes plead with me to fill her in. She looks all wrong standing in this shit hole.
“Crystal, this is Allie. Allie…meet my mom.”
The scared, apprehensive look leaves Allie’s eyes, and in its place is a mixture of anger and contempt.
“Nice to meet—” Crystal starts, walking toward Allie, but Allie stops her with a glare.
“Not interested in exchanging pleasantries. Thanks,” she snaps before turning her attention back to me. “Jess, can you just tell me what’s going on?”
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Crystal slurs, moving toward Allie. I jump up off the couch, intercepting Crystal before she can touch a hair on Allie’s head.
“Go to yo
ur room.”
“You’re going to let her disrespect your mother like that?”
“Go!”
Crystal jerks back at my tone, sending one last nasty look toward Allie before walking away with her tail between her legs. I pull out my phone, tapping out a quick text to Sullivan. Once I hear the door slam shut, I turn my attention back to Allie.
“This is my life, Allie.” I spread my arms wide, gesturing to the space we’re in. “This is who I am.”
“This isn’t you,” she says vehemently.
I should’ve never let Crystal back into my life. She cried to me about Lo abandoning her like she was a child, which is a joke considering she’s the one who abandoned us when we were actual children. She cried about being homeless. Cried that she had no one and nothing left. She fucking cried about everything. Like an idiot, I took pity on her. Got her this glamorous apartment and agreed to pay her rent if she left Lo alone. Lo had finally broken free. She deserved it.
I thought I could handle it. But you know that kids’ book? If You Give a Mouse a Cookie? That’s Crystal. You give her an inch and she takes a hundred fuckin’ miles. She tried demanding more money, and when I threatened to walk away, she went to Julian, the guy who runs the fighting ring. She borrowed money. A lot of fucking money. And Julian was all too happy to give it to her if it meant he could use it as leverage to keep me fighting.
So, there I was, all geared up to walk away and play it straight, but instead, I got stuck paying her debt. Guys like Julian don’t fuck around. Not fighting meant signing her death warrant.
I was a fucking fool to think Crystal would’ve ever let me live a normal life. I was an even bigger fool to think I could be good enough for Allie.
“I’m not good.” I’ve tried. No matter what I do—no matter how hard I try—the end result is the same.
“Jess,” Allie says, her eyes starting to fill with tears. “I’m not judging you. How could you think I’d judge you after everything?”
“I’m not good for you,” I say, “and if you stay with me, I’ll only ruin you, too.”
“How can you say that? Don’t I get a say?”
“Stop!”
She flinches at my tone, and I hate that I’m responsible for the hurt on her face.
“I’m not going to change who I am, Allie,” I say, my voice resigned. I can’t.
“Who asked you to?” Her lip trembles and a tear rolls down her cheek. A knock on the door makes her jump, and a second later, Halston and Sullivan are stepping inside. I texted Sully the address and told him to take Allie back to River’s Edge.
Halston tries to pull Allie in for a hug, but she shakes her head, stopping her.
“I won’t beg you to be with me,” Allie says through clenched teeth. “If I walk out that door, we’re done.”
Three sets of accusing eyes are trained on me. Sully looks disappointed. Halston looks livid. And Allie looks…broken.
“Go home, Allison.”