“I have to tell you something,” he says, changing the subject.
“What is it?” And why does it feel like he’s about to end our nonexistent relationship?
“I got a scholarship,” he says, his mouth twitching at the corner in an almost-smile. “A full ride.”
“Are you serious?” I squeal, my frustration from a minute ago all but gone. I’m more excited for him than I’ve been about anything in my entire life. I knew he was applying, but he told me it was impossible for swimmers to get a full ride. “That’s amazing, Ash!”
I throw my arms around his neck, but there’s nothing sexual about it this time. Just genuine pride and happiness for him. Ash is one of the best people I know, and he deserves an opportunity to live a life as good as he is. I pull back, scanning his face. He’s not easily excitable, but I expected more enthusiasm than this.
“What is it? What else aren’t you telling me?”
“It’s in Georgia.”
For the second time tonight, I feel like that time I fell on the playground in the fourth grade and got the wind knocked out of me. “What?”
“I leave in four months.”
I nod, caught between two warring emotions. I’m elated for him, but I’m sad for me. He untangles our limbs and sits on the edge of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees, avoiding eye contact.
“Does Dash know?”
“Yes.” He looks over at me, and his eyes soften at his admission.
He never even bothered to tell me.
“I’m happy for you,” I say, my voice contradicting the words coming out of my mouth. “This is your chance.”
He nods, and we sit in strained silence, unsure of where to go from here.
I try to hold back the tears. To be a good friend and be happy for him, but my chin starts to wobble, and one, single tear runs down my cheek. Asher is in front of me in an instant, gripping my face with both hands, forcing me to look into his eyes.
“Don’t waste one fucking tear on me.”
I sniff and look away.
“Dash is losing his best friend. And so will I.”
“I’m not leaving tomorrow, or next week. We have time.”
“Promise me something.”
“What’s that?”
“Promise me you won’t leave without saying goodbye. Promise me I won’t be blindsided.”
“I promise,” he swears.
I nod, feeling slightly pacified. I want nothing more than for Asher to get the hell out of there, but selfishly, right now I can only think about losing him.
“When you leave…”
Asher watches me, waiting. “Yeah?”
“It won’t be forever, right?”
“I can’t promise you that.”
“You really need to work on this whole ‘comforting someone’ thing. You’re really bad at it,” I say, pulling back to look up at him. Ash is at least six feet tall, and I have to strain my neck to make eye contact when we’re this close.