“I’d rather freeze out here than lie with you.”
I stared at her window, the curtains drawn shut. Only the light from the kitchen illuminated the front of her apartment. “You came, so I don’t understand why you’re so angry. I’ve done worse things than tie you up. Doesn’t make sense for you to get so worked up over that.”
“You crossed a line, and you know it. I said no.”
“No means nothing to me.” I sat on the floor of her apartment, the cold temperature not bothering me in the least. I thrived in the cold. The summer was the time of year I despised most.
“That’s a lie.”
“You don’t know me very well.”
“I know you better than you think, Bones. This situation has been difficult for me, and I’ve cooperated. But I don’t want to be tied up again. I hate the way it feels. I hate being restrained. It makes me feel lost.”
“Then why did you come?” I countered.
“Because you made me…”
I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Tell me you won’t do it again.”
“I can’t.”
“Bones,” she said forcefully. “I’ve made my wishes clear, and you will honor them. This is something I’ll fight you over forever.”
“Did it ever occur to you that I like it when you fight?” I asked coldly. “That I like it when you suffer? I want you to be scared. It gets me hard, baby. That’s the kind of guy I am.”
“You’re more than that.”
I scoffed because her statement was stupid.
“I don’t disagree with your statement. I just think you have more potential than that. I don’t believe you’re as evil as you say you are.”
I shook my head. “Then you’re dumber than I thought…which is a huge disappointment.”
“Bones.”
I wouldn’t look at her.
“Bones,” she repeated, this time with more emphasis.
I sighed before I turned my head to look at her.
She propped herself on her elbow so we could be eye to eye. “I don’t like it, and I don’t want you to do it anymore. I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.” She held my gaze with authority, holding on to whatever power she had left. She stared at me without shaking, making a request that she had no right to make.
Why did I even listen to her? Why did I walk out of the bedroom and join her in the living room? Why was my ass sitting on the floor when she should be the one at my feet? There was something about this woman that forced me to a have a little humanity…something I didn’t think I was capable of. “Pick your battles wisely, baby. You’ve won this fight, but I won’t be accommodating for the next one.”
Relief shone in her eyes, and she released the breath she was holding. “I shouldn’t have to say this but…thank you.”
I turned my head forward again. “Why is this so important to you? What am I missing?”
“It just…nothing.”
I turned my gaze back to her, holding on to the last word she spoke. “It’s not nothing. Tell me.”
“If a woman is bound…it feels like rape. But if she’s not…then it’s consensual. I feel like I don’t have any rights or any decision in the matter. Something is being done to me. And it makes me think of what my mother must have gone through…because she never would have stopped fighting…” Moisture coated her eyes instantly, the tears appearing from nowhere. “She must have been tied up and…” She closed her eyes, but the tears escaped from underneath her eyelids and streaked down her face.
I felt like shit.
It was the first time I really felt that way.
It was the first time I felt like I did something wrong.
It was the first time I cared.
That I actually felt something close to guilt and empathy. I couldn’t bring myself to apologize, but now I wanted to give her what she wanted. I didn’t want her to feel that way, to ever feel like I was doing what my father did to her mother.
I turned my body into the couch and cupped her face. My thumbs brushed away her tears before my fingers glided into her hair, comforting her the only way I knew how. My face moved into hers, and I brushed away the remaining moisture with my lips. “Baby…” I scooted my arms underneath her and carried her into the bedroom where she belonged. Her arms immediately wrapped around my neck, and she pressed her face into my shoulder.
I put her in bed and got her under the covers before I lay beside her. This time, she didn’t push me away. She moved into my chest and snuggled with me like she did every other night. She pushed me away just minutes ago, but now she held on to me like she needed me.
My fingers moved through her hair, gently caressing her.