“Okay what?” she whispered, hesitation in her eyes.
“I won’t ask you if I don’t want a family.”
Fear moved into her gaze, like she was afraid to ask the question before it came out of her mouth. “Is that something you want…?”
I didn’t want to answer with the truth because it was so harsh. I couldn’t picture someone like me being a father. But then again, I couldn’t picture myself loving someone the way I loved Vanessa. I couldn’t picture myself forcing my enemies to like me just so I could keep her. With Vanessa, anything was possible. “All I know is I want you…and I’m willing to do anything to keep you.”
“You’ve never wanted to have your own family?”
I shook my head slightly. “It’s never crossed my mind. I didn’t think that was an option for me.”
“It’s always an option.”
“We both know I’m not father material.”
“You weren’t boyfriend material, but look at you now.”
“I’m not your boyfriend.” I didn’t like that label one bit. I was committed to her, and she was committed to me. I loved her with all my heart. A label like that didn’t seem to fit us.
“Then what are you?”
“I don’t know. But I’m definitely not your boyfriend. I’m more than that. I’m your man. You’re my woman.”
“Now you’re talking like a caveman.”
“It gets my point across, at least.”
Her lips softened into a smile. “You’re very simple.”
“I like simple.”
She leaned down and pressed a kiss to my chest. “I like it too. But I think you can be anything you want to be. You have the heart to be a great father. I know you do. My father said he wasn’t ready to be a parent when my mom was pregnant with Conway, but once Conway arrived, his life changed for the better. Look at the way he is with me…he loves me more than anything. You could be the exact same way.”
“I guess.”
She lifted her head to look at me again. “I don’t want to lose you, Griffin. But I’ll walk away if I have to…”
If I managed to work this out with her parents, it would be a waste to ever let her go. “Let’s get through this first and revisit that conversation later.”
“Alright…” She settled into my chest again and became silent.
I was tired from working in the warehouse all day, but now I couldn’t sleep. I stared at the ceiling for the next few hours, thinking about how much my life had changed—and how much more was about to change.
Nine
Vanessa
Bones packed his bag and placed it by the front door. He was taking a taxi to Florence so I could have the truck while he was gone. He didn’t say much as he got ready that morning. We did our normal routine, making love as soon as the alarm went off before he showered and got dressed.
Now I stood by the front door, dreading the moment I had to say goodbye to him. I loved spending this time with him in Tuscany with my family. It was a dream come true, something I didn’t even know I wanted until I had it. I hadn’t missed Milan once.
He carried a pistol in his hand then placed it in my palm. “It’s loaded. More rounds in the nightstand.”
I gripped the handle and pointed it at the ground.
“But I’m sure you won’t need it.” He stared down at me, bending his neck because I was so much shorter than him.
I didn’t want to sleep in this house alone, not without him there. I felt so exposed, so alone. “I think I’m going to stay with my parents.”
Bones didn’t take the gun away from me. “You should keep it anyway. Put it in your nightstand.”
“Alright.” I set the gun on the entryway table then crossed my arms over my chest.
“This area is perfectly safe, baby. You don’t need to stay with your parents.”
“I want to. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t sleep without you here. I used to do it all the time when I was single. I was never scared of anything. Even after Knuckles, I was fine. But when you came into my life, everything changed. I hate it when you’re gone…” I didn’t want to whine or complain about his job, but I couldn’t lie about the way his absence made me feel. My life was turned upside down when he was gone.
His fingers moved under my chin, and he lifted my gaze to meet his. “I hate it when I’m gone too. I worry about you as much as you worry about me.”
“I doubt that…” He was the one directly putting himself at risk. He was sent off to kill someone, and I was always afraid someone would kill him instead. If Max ever called me and told me Bones would never return, I wouldn’t know how to go on. “I told my father you would stop doing this if I asked you to…” Bones had never said those words to me, had always told me how much his work meant to him. It was his life, and he didn’t just do it for the money. He needed it for his anger, needed it to give him purpose.