Divine in Lingerie (Lingerie 9)

“Except hatred,” I spat. “Maybe what he did was wrong, but he’s not that man anymore. He’s grown into someone who does deserve me. He’s grown into someone who should love me. When he came home and told me what happened, I said I didn’t care what you thought. I said I wasn’t going to let my family keep us apart because I couldn’t live without him. You know what he said?”

My father was too angry to show vulnerability. Now he stared at me coldly, his eyes shifting back and forth slightly. We’d always been close as I aged. Anytime we fought, it was over something petty. But the second Bones came into my life, the distance between us seemed to get bigger and bigger.

“He said I would regret it later. He said my family means more to me than anything else in this world, and he would never get in the middle of that. He knows what it’s like not to have a family, how depressing it is, and he would never want me to understand how that feels…”

Silence.

“You can say what you want about him, but his love is selfless, true, and real. He would do anything for me…even let me go.”

He remained quiet, his green eyes still fierce.

“He’s proven himself a million times over, Father. You need to let it go.”

“I can let go of a lot of things. I can forget who his father was. I can forget that he’s a hitman for a living. I can forget that he captured you with the intent of killing you. But forcing you to sleep with him…I can’t forget that. I will never forget it.” His chest rose with the deep breath he took, and his nostrils flared again. His anger reached a new peak. “I don’t give a shit if he’s a saint now. He crossed a line he can never uncross. I will never forgive him for what he did. My decision is final. And you will thank me for it one day.”

I took a step back, the distance between us not enough. My father and I would never agree on this matter. I was a grown woman, but his decision somehow dominated mine. If my family didn’t mean so much to me, I would storm out of there and run away with Bones. But even when I was livid, the anger was never strong enough to overcast my love. I hated my father in that moment…but I would never hate him more than I loved him. “You should go.”

His anger simmered slightly, showing his disappointment.

“I’m not ready to move on. I’m not ready to come over for dinner and be a family again. Right now, I’m devastated. I don’t want to pretend nothing happened. I don’t want to pretend that everything is fine. I just want to be alone.” Instead of waiting for him to walk out, I turned around and drifted away, keeping my back to him so I wouldn’t have to see the rage on his face any longer.

My father didn’t move, staring at my back in silence.

I didn’t want to ask him to leave again, so I stared at the painting on the wall and waited. I had all the patience in the world since I had nothing to live for at the moment. I could wait all day.

Finally, his footsteps tapped against the hardwood floor as he headed to the door. They grew fainter as time passed, and then they disappeared altogether once the door shut behind him.

The gallery turned quiet now that he was gone.

I stared at the painting of Bones in my bed, his chest bare and his face cut out of the frame. My eyes started to well with tears for the hundredth time, but these tears were for a whole new reason. I felt so distant from my father, the man I’d trusted my whole life. He was the kind of man that inspired me, that made me a stronger person. I’d always imagined my husband would be like him, and ironically, I thought he and Bones were a lot alike. But now, he was the reason I was so devastated. He used to protect me from everything, but now he was the very reason I could barely stand on my own two feet.

He was the reason I could barely breathe.

Three

Crow

I drove out of Florence and into the countryside, one hand on the wheel as I pushed the car to the maximum speed. My brother called me twice, but I rejected his call each time. My eyes looked across the golden fields in front of me, but I didn’t care about the beautiful scenery I looked at every day.

All I cared about was my daughter.

My tesoro.

My little girl.

I wasn’t ignorant to the fact that she was a grown woman. Not only that, but she was exceptionally bright, sassy like her mother, and possessed a hunger for life and adventure. I trusted her instincts because I’d raised her right.