Divine in Lingerie (Lingerie 9)

Another man could never erase him. There would always be a trace there, always be a scar there.

I wondered if this pain would ever end. I couldn’t even look at another man because it felt wrong. A man made a pass at me at the bakery the other day, and he was tall and handsome, but I still didn’t care.

He wasn’t Bones.

I couldn’t picture myself making love to someone else, kissing someone else. Even if I did, there would only be one man on my mind. I would close my eyes and pretend it was him instead of the man inside me.

I was just as in love with him as I’d always been.

I sat in the darkness and wondered what he was doing. Where was he? Was he awake at that very moment thinking of me? Had he been with someone else yet? Was he taking this breakup much better than I was?

Did he still love me?

Sometimes I expected to see him across the street from my gallery, watching over me like he always did. But he was never there. At nighttime, I looked out the window and expected his truck to be parked across the street. But he was never there.

There was no reason to protect me anymore. I didn’t need to be protected anymore, not when my father was watching me just as intently as he used to. There was no danger surrounding me, not when I lived a quiet life painting.

Bones had no reason to check on me.

I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and stared at the bright screen in the darkness. I’d been tempted to call him so many times, but never as tempted as I was in that moment. Instead of missing him less as time passed, I seemed to miss him more.

I just wanted to hear his voice.

I didn’t know what we would talk about. I didn’t want to know how he was spending his nights, and he didn’t want to know how miserable I was. The conversation would bring us nothing but pain.

I shouldn’t call.

My hand shook as I held the phone. My finger ached to pull up his number and make the call. My emotions were erratic, but my logic was somehow stronger. I put the phone back on the nightstand.

But I didn’t go to sleep.

I arrived at the house early the next morning, wearing a nice dress that I had to have taken in because it was too big. Father wasn’t on my mind because I was thinking about Conway. I didn’t like the way we’d left things last night. I had to make it right, even if he was wrong.

I walked into the house and ran into my mother first.

Mama stopped in the entryway, and her smile faded away almost instantly. Her eyes suddenly reflected the sorrow in my heart. It was like looking into a mirror, seeing my heartbroken image staring back at me. She felt my pain, felt it just by looking at me. “Sweetheart…” She wrapped her arms around me in the entryway.

I let my mother hold me. I used her strength as a crutch and accepted the safe place she offered. I hadn’t seen her since Bones left because I preferred my bubble of isolation. But I knew she’d been thinking about me, worrying about me constantly. “Hey, Mama.”

She ran her hand down my hair, feeling the soft strands along my back. She rested her head against mine, her natural smell surrounding me, reminding me of my childhood.

I didn’t want to make today about me. My heartbreak was irrelevant. My family had been patient with me for the last month. My brother would normally be harsher with me, but since he knew I was struggling, he let a lot of my behavior slide.

When I’d taken enough advantage of my mother’s comfort, I pulled back. “I want today to be about Conway and Sapphire, not me.” I held her gaze with all the confidence I could muster. “So let’s not talk about it. We should all be happy today. I’m getting a sister, you’re getting a daughter. We have so much to be thankful for.” I didn’t want to take away my parents’ joy today. Their only son was getting married, and it should be an exciting time for them.

“Alright,” she whispered. “But your father is having a hard time being happy when he’s so worried about you…and your relationship.” She rubbed her hand up and down my arm. “I know this is hard for you, but your father loves you more than anything in this world…including me. He always puts you before himself.”

“I know…”

“Then make this right with him.”

“I’m not ready…”

Her eyes crinkled with sadness. “Then make sure he knows you love him and you forgive him. But you need some time to bounce back. I haven’t seen him this low in a long time.”