The second I heard his voice, I knew it was him. “Luca…”
The driver stepped out of the way and finally revealed my son. Half my height and far skinnier than I wanted him to be stood the boy that I loved with my whole heart. His brown hair was overgrown because he always hated getting his hair cut. His coffee-colored eyes were identical to mine, warm and beautiful. He wore jean shorts, black shoes, and a dark blue t-shirt. He had my skin tone, an fair color he didn’t inherit from his father. He was just as perfect as I remembered, a healthy and handsome boy.
I held my breath for nearly a minute, my eyes locked on to his.
He stared at me for a while, as if my face were familiar to him. It’d been a long time since he’d seen me, and he didn’t have any pictures of me. My features hadn’t changed, but a five-year-old didn’t have the sharpest memory. But he continued to stare at me like there was a hint of familiarity.
I squatted down so we were closer to being eye level. “Luca…” The tears fell like a waterfall, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I started to sob before I even held him in my arms. “Little Bear…” When he was a baby, bears were his favorite animal, so I gave him the nickname. He might have been too young to remember.
But his eyes flashed with recognition, like that name meant something to him. He slowly came toward me, ignoring Carter behind me.
I wanted to stay back so I wouldn’t startle him, but now I didn’t have the patience. I walked toward him then kneeled in front of him, so close to him that I could hear him breathe. “Little Bear…it’s me. It’s Mom.” My hands rested on his small arms, feeling his slightness as well as his growth. He was several inches taller than he was the last time I saw him. He hadn’t even started school yet. Now he was three years older, three years bigger.
“Mom?” he whispered.
“Yes.” I nodded then wiped away my tears with my hands. “It’s me. I’m so sorry, Luca. I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long.”
He watched the tears roll down my cheeks, his features stoic.
“I’m sorry I left you…but I didn’t want to. I’m here now, and I’ll never leave you again.” I squeezed his arms, feeling my son in my hands for the first time.
Luca kept staring at me, silent.
I didn’t want to rush him, not when he was uncertain and probably afraid. “I know you’re confused right now. That’s okay. Take all the time you need. I’m going to be taking care of you from now on. Nothing will ever happen to you again. I promise.” Just as I did when he was little, I grabbed both of his hands and kissed them with my lips. I used to do it every night before I tucked him in.
He watched my movements, and finally, he had some kind of reaction. “Mommy?”
“Yes, Little Bear. It’s Mommy.”
That’s when his eyes started to redden, the moisture forming in his gaze. “You left…and I was scared.”
“I know. I know.”
He moved into my body and hugged me, wrapping his arms around me.
I gripped him tightly and cradled the back of his head with my palm. I wept into his shoulder, my tears soaking into his clothes and leaving stains everywhere. I squeezed him hard and held him for a long time, never wanting to let go. My little boy was back in my arms, and nothing would ever take him away from me. He was my whole world, my whole life, and here he was. “I love you, Little Bear. I love you so much. I’ll never leave you again.”
“I love you too, Mommy…”
That was the moment when my heart gave out—when I heard those beautiful words.
I took Luca to his bedroom on the second floor, which was decorated with a dinosaur theme. He’d loved dinosaurs before I lost him, and I hoped he still felt that way. He took a look around and sat on the bed, his feet dangling over the edge.
I sat beside him and ran my fingers through his hair, unable to believe I was really touching him. My son was right beside me after all the horrible years we’d been apart. His hair felt the same way in my fingertips.
“Mom?”
“Yes, Little Bear?”
“Where did you go?” He turned his gaze and looked up at me.
He was way too young to know the truth. He was incapable of understanding it. Carter was an almost thirty-year-old man, and the truth about his mother nearly destroyed him. “I had to leave…but I didn’t want to. I never would have left you if I’d had a choice.”
Luca didn’t ask any more questions, but he obviously didn’t understand my explanation.