Fine in Lingerie (Lingerie 11)

As something more than trash.

All I had to do was sit there in silence and let Vanessa visit with her family. I didn’t have to talk unless spoken to. When the food arrived, all I had to do was eat. I wanted to make Vanessa happy by allowing her to have both of us, her family and me at the same time.

But I wasn’t ready for it.

It was too soon.

I pushed the chair back and rose to my feet. Everyone watched my movements, including Vanessa. “I’m going home. I’m sure your father can give you a ride back when you’re finished, baby.” I tossed the napkin on the table and turned away.

Crow looked indifferent. Pearl didn’t hide the surprise in her eyes. Sapphire looked down at her plate, the intensity too much for her to address. Conway stared at his father, waiting for him to do something.

Vanessa couldn’t believe what I said. “What’s wrong? You were fine ten minutes ago.”

“I wasn’t fine ten minutes ago. I can’t sit here with your family and pretend everything is fine. Your entire family treated me like fucking trash until I took a bullet that almost killed me. All I ever wanted was you, but my love wasn’t good enough. I know I should leave the past where it belongs…but it’s too soon.” I didn’t want to look at Vanessa a moment longer, so I walked out. I knew my way through the maze of the mansion and let myself outside. It was dark out now, but the heat hadn’t dropped by much.

Vanessa emerged a second later, her light footsteps hitting the gravel. “Griffin—”

I turned around. “I didn’t mean to ruin dinner. Just go back inside.”

She marched up to me, still looking beautiful even when she was upset. “You didn’t ruin anything. Just come back in—”

“No.”

Her mouth shut.

“You know I’ll do anything for you. I’ve proven that already. I’m glad we’re finally together and your family doesn’t want to murder me anymore. I’m happy—really. But I can’t sit there and pretend none of that shit happened. I busted my ass for six months, but your family continued to insult me, continued to call my mom a whore who deserved to die a whore’s death. I understand they despise my father and always will. No contest there. But my mom was innocent. I was innocent.” I pressed my hand over my chest. “I’m just not ready, Vanessa. Spend time with your family all you want. I’ll live in Florence. I’ll move in down the street if that’s what you want…but I’m not ready for this. You know what chair I was just sitting in?”

She crossed her arms over her chest, keeping several feet in between us.

“It was the chair you handcuffed me to, the chair where your father pointed that shotgun at me.”

“That was a long time ago—”

“Maybe for you. Not for me.” My nostrils flared. “You’re mine now, and I’ll never let anyone take you away from me. But they did take you away from me…for a long time. I don’t believe in soul mates or any of that bullshit, but something tells me we’re supposed to be together. I know that doesn’t make sense, not with our history, but it doesn’t make it untrue. You’ve healed me in ways I can’t explain.”

Her eyes started to water. “Griffin…”

I hated watching her cry. It killed me inside. “I went through hell for those three months.”

“I know…I did too.”

“No, you don’t know,” I said coldly. “You don’t know how hard I fell. You don’t know how violent I became. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and then you were gone. I can’t sit in that fucking chair and pretend that didn’t happen.”

“I’m here now. We’re together now.”

“Only because I jumped in front of your father and took a bullet that would have killed him. Vanessa, that gun was pointed at his damn face. He would have—”

“Stop.” She closed her eyes, the tears moving down her cheeks. “Please don’t do that…”

I knew I would always share her heart with her family, especially her father. They would always have one half, and I would have the other half. I would never have it all, not even after what we’d been through. “It’s been less than a month since I was in the hospital. I need more time. I need more time to move past this.”

“I understand.” She opened her eyes and looked at me again. “I never meant to rush you. You didn’t tell me any of this—”

“Because I want to make you happy. I thought I could put up a front for a few hours…but I can’t. Not sitting in that damn chair at that fucking table.” I hated being this far away from her, hated watching the tears stream down her face without doing anything to stop them. I was the reason this was happening, and I hated myself for hurting her. The last few days had been spent fucking and being happy. The second we got here, the bliss was over. “I understand what your family means to you, so I’ll share you. But…don’t expect me ever to be close with them. Don’t expect me to be the man you’ve always dreamed about, a man who will be another son to your father. I know that’s important to you, but you have to deal with reality. That guy isn’t me.”