Eleven
Vanessa
I was used to morning sex—even if I wasn’t really awake at the time. Bones took what he wanted when he felt like it, pretty much the same way I did. He didn’t explain his behavior or make apologies for it either. He just went for it.
Now it was part of our daily routine.
But that morning, it didn’t come.
When I opened my eyes, it was almost eight. Bones usually woke me up the first time at seven in the morning. He moved between my legs, got off, and then headed to the gym. I assumed there was something wrong because our routine never changed.
I sat up and looked around the room, not seeing anything unusual. I pulled on his t-shirt and walked into the living room, expecting to see him at the dining table with his morning coffee. He was usually shirtless, his ink vibrant against his fair skin.
Instead, I saw him sitting on the couch, fully clothed in black jeans and a t-shirt. His bag was on the floor beside the coffee table. His elbows rested on his knees, and his chin was tilted toward the floor, his eyes downcast instead of on the TV or me.
I knew what that meant.
I knew he had two more missions to do. This was the first one.
I’d convinced myself I could do this. It was just two more, and it would be over for good. Bones was a strong man who was capable of anything. He would come back to me. He was powerful, fast, and experienced, and there was nothing he couldn’t handle. There was nothing that would stop him from coming back to me.
But no matter how many times I whispered those assurances to myself, it didn’t change anything.
It didn’t heal my broken heart.
I stared at his black bag on the floor then took a deep breath, doing my best to be calm about the situation. Getting emotional wouldn’t change anything. It would just make it harder for both of us. I knew he waited until the last possible moment to limit my suffering.
But now, I would suffer every single moment he was gone.
Bones sighed before he rose to his feet. “Baby…”
I crossed my arms over my chest and refused to look at him.
He faced me, the couch between us. “Only two more.”
All it took was one bad mission to take him away from me. All it took was one stray bullet. I’d lost him once, and now that my life was complete, I couldn’t bear that pain again. I’d finally found the man I wanted to spend my life with, to sleep with every night, and I wanted to hold on to that so tightly that it never slipped through my fingers.
When I turned my gaze back on him, I saw the structured way he held himself, his muscular arms hanging by his sides and stretching the sleeves of his t-shirt. He watched me with his hard gaze, waiting for me to say something about the horrible situation we were in.
But I didn’t have anything to say. It was just too horrible to address.
He sighed when I remained silent. “I’ll be gone three days. Short trip.”
“For you…” I turned away again, not wanting to look at him.
“It’ll be over before you know it.”
“Again, for you…”
He moved around the couch and approached me, his footsteps heavy in his boots. “Baby, you’re stronger than this.”
“Stronger than this?” My neck nearly snapped when I turned my head. “You think I’m weak for not wanting you to go? You think I’m weak because I want my man to stay here with me, to live the quiet life he promised me? You think I’m weak because I don’t want to sleep alone? Griffin, I’m stronger when you’re here. I’m braver when you’re here. Because I know I can do anything as long as you’re beside me. If that makes me weak…then, fine. Guess I’m weak.”
He bowed his head slightly, visibly regretting his words.
“I don’t understand why you have to go. There are three other men who want to be part of this. They’ll have to manage without you then, so why can’t they manage without you now?” Maybe I was being selfish, but I didn’t want to live without Bones ever again. I’d already paid my dues with my suffering.
“Because.” He lifted his head, his intense gaze staring into mine. “They had my back when I saved your family. They didn’t have to do that. They weren’t obligated. They didn’t even want to until I asked. These guys are family to me. I owe them everything. I’m not turning my back on them—not even for you.”
I was suddenly overwhelmed with embarrassment, feeling selfish for making my demands. Bones did something unforgettable for my family. I forgot that his men made the same sacrifice.
“Just as you didn’t turn your back on your family when it came to me. We both have loyalties to other people—loyalties that we both respect.”