Ugh, the guilt trip. “I know…”
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to lie to me. I always worked hard to establish a trusting relationship with you. I’ve never told you what to do.”
“I know that too, and you have made a good relationship between us. It’s not you.”
“Then why did you lie? You’ve told me you’ve been casual with men before, and it wasn’t going anywhere. It just makes me worried that this is a different kind of relationship, the kind you can’t get out of. You understand what I mean?”
She hit the nail right on the head.
“Because it’s unlike you to lie. You never do that, Carmen. I’m just worried.”
“You’re right,” I whispered. “It is a different kind of relationship, but not in a bad way. He’s a good man. He’s kind, devoted, honest, and not to mention, hot as hell.”
Mom chuckled. “Okay, I feel better already. Then what is the drawback?”
“It’s supposed to be a short-term thing. It’s never gonna go anywhere.”
“Because he doesn’t want it to?” she asked.
“No…I don’t want it to. I told him we have an expiration date. When that time comes, I’ll walk away. He’s the one who doesn’t want me to leave. If he had his way…I would probably never leave.”
“Sounds like he cares about you.”
He’s just obsessed with me.
“Why does this relationship have no future?” she asked.
“He’s just…not the right guy for me. He’s not what I want in a husband. I want a husband who will be a family man. I want a simple life in the countryside. This man…is way too devoted to his career. He cares more about money and power…stuff like that.” I wasn’t lying, but I was definitely on the edge. “But our relationship is very intense. There’s this chemistry and this feeling…” I placed my hand over my heart. “I can’t explain it.”
A soft smile crept across her lips. “Love.”
“What?” I asked, turning to her.
“That feeling you’re describing”—she pointed at my hand—“is love.”
I couldn’t accept that fate. It was something I refused to do, something I had promised myself would never happen. Bosco was the wrong man for me. He was a demon of the underworld, and I was a flower in the sun. “No…”
She dropped her hand. “I know it’s scary, Carmen. You never planned for this to happen, but it did anyway. He’s not what you envisioned as the perfect husband, but having the perfect husband is overrated. True love is about loving someone because of their flaws, not despite them. You accept him for who he is, all the good and the bad. The things you don’t like about him will change in time. They always do. Your father isn’t the same man he was when we met. He wasn’t the same man when we got married. He wasn’t the same man when we had Carter. Men change…when they meet the right woman.”
She didn’t understand. “I just don’t think Father would like him…”
She shrugged slightly. “Your father trusts your instincts. If you brought a man home, he would give him a chance. He knows you aren’t going to introduce someone to him unless you’re going to marry him. And if you love this man, your father is going to love him too. Trust me on that.” She grabbed my wrist and gave it a gentle squeeze. “He has a hard time with you dating just because you’re his little girl. But if you finally settled down with a good man, he would be very happy.”
“Uncle Crow seemed to have a hard time with it…”
She chuckled. “Well, Vanessa picked the worst possible guy—at the time. That’s not gonna happen for you, honey.”
Little did she know that I was sleeping with the most powerful criminal in Florence. If I told her, she might have a heart attack.
She watched my expression for a while. “Do whatever you think is best, Carmen. But if this is the man you want, don’t be afraid to fight for him. Don’t be afraid to bring him home—even if he’s not perfect. You don’t want a perfect man anyway.”
“Father is perfect. Uncle Crow is perfect.”
She scoffed like that was a joke. “He’s perfect now, sure. But he wasn’t perfect in the beginning. Molding him and watching him grow into the man he is today…is such a wonderful feeling. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Growing together as a couple is one of the best things about marriage.” She rose from the bed and gave me a soft smile. “Good night, honey.”
“Good night, Mama. Can I ask you for something?”
“Sure.” She turned around at the door.
“Could we keep this between us?”
Her smile fell. “Honey, I’ll always keep everything between us.” She walked out and shut the door behind her.
I sat there for a while, relieved my secret was buried for the time being. I got into bed, my body stiff and tired from not sleeping, but my eyes were wide open because I couldn’t sleep. I was supposed to call Bosco before bed, so I did it now. I pressed the phone to my ear and listened to it ring.