“I know you don’t want a relationship.”
I clench my jaw.
“I don’t know how you think this is going to go between us, but you upset me last night. You really hurt my feelings and it surprised me because I wasn’t expecting it. I was completely blown over, both by how you treated me, and how it felt.”
My stomach twists.
"And it's not a good sign for me to feel hurt by you when we aren't even in a relationship."
Her eyes hold mine. “You told me to protect myself from you.”
I sip my scotch, an intelligent reply escaping me.
“This is me doing that.”
“By going out with someone else?” I reply.
Her eyes hold mine. “I just want a friend I can rely on.”
“You can rely on me.”
“No, I can’t. You showed me that last night.”
“Last night was an exception.”
“Last night was our first date, for Christ’s sake.”
I clench my lips together so I don’t say anything to embarrass myself further. I’m not begging. I get a vision of her kissing someone else and I feel my temperature rise. I rub my hand through my stubble in frustration. Stop it! You don’t do monogamy.
What is this stupid fucking feeling?
Is this jealousy?
I bounce my leg under the table as I try to get a hold of my emotions.
Her eyes hold mine. “These barriers you put up.” I frown, not understanding.
“Why do you do it?”
I screw up my face. “You don’t even know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
“What are you protecting yourself from, Julian.”
I stand abruptly. “I’m not sitting here and listening to this psychobabble bullshit.” I shake my head in frustration. “I don’t need protecting. I’m happy having friends with benefits. Don’t twist this to be what you think I should want.”
“Are you?” She watches me intently. “Because you looked pretty pissed off when you thought I was going out with someone else tonight.”
“Because you are fucking dismissing me!” I yell. “I do not get dismissed. Nobody dismisses me!” I turn my back to her as my breath quivers. It’s been a long time since somebody got to me enough for me to lose my temper. I exhale heavily as I try to control my anger.
Walk away. Walk out of the room right now.
“Let me in and we can try again.”
I turn toward her. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You shut down on me. The other night, when we were in each other’s arms, we had this small window of intimacy and you immediately shut it down.”
“I did not.”