He blew out a breath, walked to the window, and looked out at the building next door. “After Levi died, the older guys involved were expelled from school and some were arrested, made deals, or went to trial and ended up in jail. But some stayed around town, it was Manhattan after all, and I ran into Vic. He was out on bail. We got into it. I beat him up on campus and got myself thrown out too.”
Tanner cleared his throat but he didn’t turn around to face her, and she remained silent, as if sensing he needed to gather his thoughts because there was more to tell.
“I spiraled after that.” It was as if he was determined to prove his father right, that he wasn’t going to make anything of himself. “I was at a bar. I’m not going to make excuses and say that I was defending someone’s honor … I was looking for a fight and I got one. I also got myself arrested for assaulting one of the patrons.”
“What happened?” Scarlett asked. “Because obviously you wouldn’t be able to own a club or be given a liquor license if you had a felony on your record.”
He ignored the edge of judgment in her tone. “Jason reached out to his cousin Gabriel Dare. Gabe has friends in high places. Essentially he got me an executive pardon. And I promised my friends, men I consider brothers, that I’d get help in order to control my anger. I did community service to put my head in the right space, I saw a therapist who taught me how to channel my anger – boxing, breathing exercises, things like that. And I promised them they’d never have an issue with me again.”
“It was that easy? A promise, some therapy, and you didn’t pay for your crime?”
He spun around, pissed at her callously thrown out words. “I paid every damn day. I’m still paying. But before you judge me, know this. I’m betting the difference between me and the guys who killed your brother is that I have remorse.”
Awareness and regret flashed in her eyes. She’d lashed out at him because of her own pain. Which meant this was his chance to get through to her. To let her see the real man inside him.
He strode up to her and met her gaze. “I regret beating the shit out of Vic…” If only because it hurt the guys in the end too. “And I regret going after the asshole in the bar. I hate this angry part of me that I work to keep under control. But other than the man at the bar who had the misfortune to piss me off at the lowest point of my life, the only people I’ve ever touched are those who hurt people I care about. Me, my sister, the men I consider brothers.” He held up a hand before she could misinterpret his words. “That’s not an excuse. It’s wrong. And I work every day to make it right.”
She exhaled a long breath. “I see.”
“Do you? Or do you look at me and see someone who’s no better than the guys who walked on a technicality after your brother died? Do you judge me for my past?”
Time ticked by as he waited for her to answer. Time that felt like an eternity but was only a few seconds. Time that let him stare at her pale but beautiful features and realize he was more addicted to this woman than he’d wanted to admit.
“I–” She paused, then drew a deep breath. “I can’t say I’m happy with what you told me. And accepting it makes me feel like a hypocrite after promising my brother, at his gravesite, I’d put criminals behind bars and make people pay for their crimes. How you acted, how you worked the system, despite it being legal, goes against everything I believe in.”
He stiffened his shoulders, prepared for her to throw him out.
She reached out and cupped his face in her hand. “But I’ve also gotten to know you. The man standing in front of me now, and I know you’re a decent man.” She shook her head. “I have to work through this in my head. But I can’t just walk away from you either.”
“Thank fuck.” He stepped forward and pulled her into his arms.
When she tipped her head, he took the hint and covered her mouth with his. He kissed her with all the relief he felt and the desire that never failed to consume him when she was around. He didn’t kid himself that they’d turned a corner. He knew he had more to prove. But she hadn’t gone running. And that was enough for now.
* * *
Scarlett’s head was spinning and not because of that kiss, but she had to admit she liked being in Tanner’s arms. Although she’d already had an inkling of his history from Frank, getting confirmation from him that he’d been arrested for assault and gotten off easily hurt. Then again so did hearing about the fact that he’d been so bullied by his own father as a child, he’d channeled his aggression internally until he’d acted out. No parent should treat a child that way.