Dare You to Hate Me

So why hasn’t it changed how I feel about the boy who used to be my best friend?

“I’m protecting myself,” I tell him honestly, knowing there’s no room for lying if he wants to understand. “You should do the same. I’m Chaos, remember? I mess everything up. I hurt you. I left. I—”

He steps toward me, crowding my space with his large body and making the words lodge in my throat. His arms go to the wall on either side of my body, caging me between him and the building against my back. The brick is scratching my head as I look up to see his serious expression pinning me to my spot in a challenge, like he’s daring me to try moving away.

I don’t.

I stay there, locked in a stare down with the person I’ve always admired and wanted to be like. What does he see? Someone broken? A ghost? A disappointment?

The last thought fills my heart with darkness. It’d be a deserved title knowing what I’ve done—who I’ve had to be in order to make it where I am today. I shouldn’t be ashamed, but I am. And shame welcomes a downward spiral that I can’t afford right now, so I shove

it away with as much mental strength as I can muster.

“I want to be your friend,” he declares.

A stuttered breath releases from my parted lips, surprise evident in the way my eyes widen at his firm statement. There’s no question or doubt like there should be knowing how unpredictable I am. Doesn’t he get that?

Aiden doesn’t stop there. “I want to be the person you can rely on if you need someone, even if you can do it on your own. I want to cheer you on like you always did for me. To support you with whatever makes you happy. And I want that to be me.”

Thump. Thump. Thump.

“You want to make me happy?”

“I miss your smile.” A hand raises and I freeze as his fingertips brush my bottom lip like he’s exploring them in wonder. “You don’t do it nearly as much as you used to. Even when your parents fought, even when you crawled into my room at night, you found reasons to smile.”

I blink.

He blinks.

I move my hand so it rests on his abdomen and feel his muscles contract under my palm.

His hand moves to brush fallen hair out of my face so there’s no obstruction of view. I see the intensity in his eyes as they take me in.

All of me.

My past.

My present.

“Let me be a reason to smile,” he whispers so quietly it’s almost drowned out with the pitter-patter of rain around us.

My eyes close for a moment as I collect my rampant emotions, but I already know I’m done for with that plea spoken in seven tiny words.

All I can manage to say through my choked voice is, “I miss smiling too.”

It’s not a yes.

It’s not a no.

It’s not me pushing him away like my default is. He’s been warned already, and if there’s one thing about Aiden Griffith it’s that his determination is his strongest trait.

I hope it doesn’t backfire on him.

Someone whistles close by and yells Aiden’s name, breaking the trance I’m in. I shake my head, duck under his arm, and walk into the rain again not willing to see who caught us in the intimate-looking standoff.

“Ivy,” he calls after me.

I stop, letting the rain run down my face to hide the panicked tears that do the same.