Dare You to Hate Me

I go to answer but pause as I begin rolling. I asked Aiden not to say anything about my past to his parents once he confirmed they didn’t know what had happened. There are some things people don’t need to know, especially the two people who always viewed me with high regards. The last thing I want them to find out is where I really spent the better of the last four years. I’d rather keep up the lie my parents invested in than admit the gruesome truth. “I actually just started at the university this semester, so I’m only a freshman. There were things I had to figure out before I decided to give college a shot.”

She begins tossing the apple slices in a bowl and collecting the spices for the mixture that will become the filling. “And do you like it?”

I stare at the dough I flatten like it’ll give me the answer. “Honestly? Not really. The structure is nice. It keeps me on track, so I know where I need to be and when. But I’ve never been great at school and not much has changed in that regard.”

“What about baking?”

Pausing, I look to her. Her eyes are focused on the filling, not glancing at me once to see the confusion on my face. “What about it?”

She brushes off her hands and turns to me, a hand going to her aproned hip. “You enjoy it, and it calms you. School isn’t for everyone, you know. I didn’t attend college for more than a year because I realized I didn’t belong there.”

My lips part. “You didn’t?”

Her smile is encouraging. “Tell me something, Ivy. Why do you want to go? It’s what I had to ask myself to make my choice.”

“I…” I think about my parents, and bite down on the inside of my cheek as I go back to the dough, sprinkling my flour onto it. “To prove that I could I guess. Maybe to stall until I figured out what else there was to do. I need a plan.”

“To prove to who?”

This time, I don’t answer.

“You owe me nothing, Ivy,” she says brushing my arm with her hand. “But I’d hate to see you go after something because you think it’s what other people want. Aiden hasn’t said a word about what’s happened since you left Haven Falls and told me not to pry. I’ll respect that because if you want to tell me you will, and I hope someday you do. But until then, I’d like to offer you some free advice.”

My grip on the rolling pin tightens, but I don’t object to hearing what she has to say. I’ve always held on to every word she’s given me.

“Above all else,” she says softly, “choose happiness. Not anybody else’s, but yours. Because at the end of the day, you’ll find a lot more of it when you open yourself up to everything life has to offer when you’re truly content with where you are in it.”

My eyes burn with tears that I try batting away unsuccessfully. I make a gargled noise that has Mrs. Griffith dropping everything she’s doing and pulling me into her. “Oh, sweetie. I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just want you to be happy. I want my baby boy to be happy. And if you both work at it, you can experience so much in this lifetime together.”

I bury my face in her shoulder. “What if I’m not enough? What if I can’t?”

Her fingers cradle the back of my head, combing through my hair and as she shushes me lightly with her melodic voice. “If it’s what you overheard my silly husband say, don’t let it get to your head. You and Aiden have had something special since the day you met. Anyone could see it. And you know how my family is about fate. We’re all believers that if it’s meant to be, it’ll find a way, just like you two found your way back to each other after all this time. Neither of you planned it, certainly not Aiden. Very few things in life are simply coincidences. Don’t write this one off before you have a chance to explore it.”

When she pulls back, she wipes at my cheeks with her thumbs and examines one eye, then the other, and slowly smiles. “Or have you already explored it?” My tear-stained face reddens with heat that she laughs at. “Oh, Ivy. I know better than to believe my son is celibate.”

I choke on my tears knowing I’ll have to add corrupting her son to the list of things I never want her finding out about.

By the time the boys get back, they all walk into the kitchen laughing and joking around about something while Mrs. Griffith and I finish cleaning up the mess we made. The pie is on the counter waiting to be put in after everything else is cooked for the late Thanksgiving meal, and for the first time in too long, I’m excited for the holiday.

Normally the itchy feeling under my skin becomes tenfold this time of year knowing I have nobody to celebrate with. Watching others enjoy it with their families becomes too much, and I never thought making the decision to come here—a last minute one made simply after seeing an ad at a public library I went to hide out in for warmth one evening—would lead to this.

A family.

My brother.

My best friend.

Swallowing when I see them all together, I’m struck by how much I want this to continue. The laughter, baking, and smiles. I want to chase the happiness Aiden’s mother wants so bad fo

r her son and I, and I want to do that with my best friend by my side.

No matter where it takes us.

Even if it means leaving Lindon.

The moment of clarity is broken when Porter walks over to me, his face pale as he glances from his phone to me. “I’m sorry, Ivy. I didn’t know they were tracking my phone.”

It isn’t hard to figure out who he means, especially when tires stop outside the house. Turning to Aiden and the others, I ask, “Are we expecting anybody else?”