I groan, realizing that thing is going to try fitting inside of me. “You’re not going to fit. That is not going to work, Kaiden.”
“Hey,” he murmurs, lips wavering like he wants to keep laughing. “Trust me, Em. It’ll fit. People do this every day.”
“Yeah, but…” Not knowing what to say, I shake my head.
“Do you want to do this?” he asks for the billionth time.
“Yes.”
“Do you want to touch me?” He takes my hand and slowly starts lowering it toward the very thing I’m still enamored by. “Words, Mouse. Do you want to touch my cock? I know I want you to.”
I choke on oxygen. “Yes,” I rasp.
He grins. “Do you want me to touch you? To take those cute little pajama pants off until we’re both bare. I know you’re not wearing panties under there.”
My eyes widen. “How would you know that?”
He leans in closer like we’re sharing a secret. “Do you know how many times a day I stare at your ass? I’d know if you’re wearing underwear or not.”
My whole face heats up.
“So?” He licks his lips. “Can I?”
For a split second, I debate my answer. I’m not sure why because I know I want this to happen—to sleep with Kaiden. To lose my virginity. To feel…normal. I also know it’s a horrible idea for so many reasons.
But I also don’t care.
I whisper an audible, “Yes.”
And just like that, my pants are on the floor tangled with his discarded clothes.
The nerves come back in full force now, because we’re both completely naked. My hand is back on his stomach, his eyes are raking over me, and I’m suddenly so self-conscious that I want to pull the blanket over me.
My stomach is flat, but my thighs aren’t as thin as they used to be. I’m hyperaware of their sudden roundness in contrast to the ribs that decorate my torso from the rapid weight loss I experienced before moving here. I’m no longer proportional. Not too skinny like I was, but also not fat. The in-between my body has shaped itself into is foreign territory.
Yet Kaiden doesn’t seem to mind at all. His eyes cut to mine before drifting down my nakedness, taking in every square inch. “Don’t hide. You’re beautiful, Emery. You’re beautiful and you’re mine.”
That one word, four little letters, is exactly what I need to gather the courage to make my move, wrapping my hand around his hard length. He groans loudly and bucks into me, twitching in my palm as I stare at how my fingers look around him. Not sure what to do, I squeeze him a little before moving my hand down and back up in a fluid motion.
He curses, most of the words making no sense that escape his lips. “So good. That feels so fucking good.”
“Can you show me?”
His eyes are closed, his head tipped back, and I think maybe I don’t need him to show me anything. I still want him to though. He’s feeding me confidence by letting me experience this.
“Show me how you touch yourself,” I whisper, causing him to grow harder in my hand.
“Fuck, that’s hot.” He wraps his hand around mine and starts jerking our palms up and down faster than I was, twisting the grip to put more pressure under the head. The sounds he makes as his hips roll makes dampness settle between my thighs, and I feel a strong need to experience everything with him as long as it means I can see his face so carefree and lost and beautiful in the moment as it is now.
He moans my name, whispers it like a plea, until I notice a little bead form at the tip of him. Following my urge, my thumb slips out from under his palm and glides over the wetness gathering there until he chokes out my name and jerks so hard in my hand that his forehead drops into the crook of my neck and our hands become frantic and needy.
A moment later, I feel something wet hit my lower stomach as he repeats my name over and over again before letting go of my hand.
His breathing evens out and he lifts up, kissing me hungrily until our teeth are clattering against each other. “I need to taste you. Let me kiss you, Mouse. Let me know how sweet you are between those pretty thighs of yours.”
My whole body catches on fire, and I want to tell him no because I’m embarrassed, but the thought of him doing that wakes something new in me.
“O-Okay.”