Underneath the Sycamore Tree

Twice.

A third time.

“Where’s Mama?” I rasp, slowly turning my head to Dad. His cheeks are damp, and his expression is bathed in panic.

“She should be here any minute,” he answers, his voice sounding foreign to me.

I nod.

“Emery,” he says, walking over to me. I notice the way he eyes Kaiden until he replaces my overprotective best friend. “Baby girl, there is a lot to consider here. When your mother comes, I think the three of us need to sit down and talk it through.”

Talk what through? That’s what I want to ask him now, in front of our waiting audience. Does he want to talk about which choice will make me die faster? Or make me suffer longer? Does he want to hash out Mama’s opinion and watch her cry when I tell them I disagree?

My eyes are dry.

Why are my eyes dry?

Taking a deep breath, I turn to the doctor and ignore the way everyone’s eyes burn into my face. “How long?”

His jaw moves side to side. “It depends.”

“Mouse,” Kaiden whispers brokenly.

“If I don’t…” I swallow, my nostrils twitching and throat closing. “If I don’t do dialysis, how…long?”

Kaiden growls.

Dad’s jaw drops.

Dr. Thorne takes a deep breath. “You are at end stage renal failure. To be honest, it’s not long. But everybody is different.”

I close my eyes. “So even if we try adjusting my medication first, there’s a chance…?”

“Yes.”

The room grows eerily silent.

When my eyes open, they instantly find Dad’s. “There’s nothing to discuss then.”

“Emery—”

“Jesus. Fuck!” Kaiden slams his hand against the wall as he storms out, with Cam chasing after him, her palm muffling the sobs escaping her lips.

Thorne walks over to me, standing just before Dad. “We can make you as comfortable as possible if that’s what you decide, Emery. If you want to talk to your family further about this, make sure you press the button once a choice has been made and I’ll come back in. Okay?”

I’m not sure if I nod or answer, but he leaves Dad and I alone. Once the door is closed behind him, Dad shoots up.

“You are not dying.”

“I am.”

“Emery—”

“Dad!” My teeth grind. “You heard him. My heart isn’t going to take well to the treatment. I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to. I’m going to die. Lo knew it right before she passed away, and I know it too.”

The calmness washing over me.

The lack of tears.