“Her diaper bag would be good, if it isn’t too much,” Leah said, thinking. “Her Pack-n-Play is folded up in the backseat too, but that’s probably too heavy.”
“I’ll get it,” Jeff said. “Don’t worry, I can carry it. I’d flex for you, but I don’t think it’d work in this parka.”
Leah laughed, surprised. God, how long had it even been since she’d laughed? She couldn’t remember.
“It’s about twenty pounds,” she said. “And it’s pretty small when it’s folded into its little bag. If it ends up being too much, it’s no problem, I’ll figure out somewhere for her to sleep.”
“It won’t be too much. I swear. Do you doubt me?” He raised his eyebrows, the corners of his eyes crinkling.
“Okay, okay,” she said, laughing again. “Get me the Pack-n-Play.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He threw her a casual salute and headed for the door.
Her laughter lingered as he went out into the snow,
sending a gust of cold wind through the room and making the fire dance in the fireplace.
Jeff was cheerful, competent, good with Emily...he’d make someone a great husband someday, and he was clearly going to be a wonderful father.
Leah made herself be happy for the lucky woman who’d be getting that husband and father for her very own, and not burningly jealous. After all, she’d already made her choice, and she’d chosen wrong. She had to accept that and focus on making the best of it, for her and especially for Emily.
“That’s right,” she said firmly to Emily. “We’re going to make the best of it.”
“Ba ba ba,” said Emily.
That was a relief. Emily was usually a pretty vocal baby, and Leah had been starting to get a little worried that she’d been so quiet.
“How about, ‘Ma ma ma,’” she suggested.
“Ba ba ba,” Emily repeated.
“Close enough,” Leah sighed.
Emily snuggled in close, and Leah curled up with her on the couch. It was a pretty small couch, more of a loveseat, but there was enough space for her to sit sideways and lean her tired head against the cushions.
“It’s been a long day,” she said. “Wouldn’t you say, Emily? This morning we were back at home, and you woke up in your crib. Now we’re way up in the mountains having an exciting adventure with the nice man who saved us from the snow. Tonight you’re going to sleep near the fire, and it’ll keep you warm. Does that sound good?”
“Ba ba ba ba ba,” Emily said, playing with her fingers.
Leah wondered what was going to happen to Emily’s crib. Since she stupidly hadn’t planned ahead enough before she left, she hadn’t managed to find the time to break it down, drive it to the Goodwill, and leave it for some other needy mom to find. She hoped George, her landlord, would do something charitable with all of the furniture she’d left behind. She felt bad about it—and dumb, because she probably could’ve sold some of it for at least a little money, if she’d gotten herself together enough to do it.
“But I didn’t,” she told Emily. “Mommy’s made a few mistakes in the last little while. But that’s okay. It’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you realize what you did wrong and learn something from it.”
She held Emily close. The baby was blinking slowly, and as Leah held her and watched the fire, Emily gradually fell asleep against her chest. With her child calm and held safely close, Leah let her own eyes drift shut. Just a few minutes...
***
Leah jerked awake when Emily shifted in her arms, awake and ready to play again. How long was I asleep?
She had no way of knowing, she realized, because she hadn’t checked the time in hours. Still, she found her phone and thumbed it on, letting Emily down to walk along the couch. 10:30 PM.
“It’s past your bedtime by a lot, kiddo,” she told Emily.
The baby was focused on walking while holding on with only one hand, but when Leah spoke, she let go to turn her head and look. Plomp, she went down onto her butt on the floor.
“Sorry, baby,” Leah said.
Emily said something that was mostly vowels, crawling over to grab at Leah’s legs.