The Snow Leopard's Heart (Glacier Leopards 4)

Joel nodded sympathetically. "I did the same thing when I was a kid. Tried to find my people online. It's the worst. There's no way to tell what's real."

Nina's eyes snapped to his. "Did you not have a shifter family? But there was your brother—"

"Our parents were from different packs," Joel said. “And—it’s kind of a long story.”

Nina’s eyes stayed on him. “Tell me.”

Joel wanted to hear what Nina had to say, not rehash his own stupid past. But he couldn’t ask her to tell him about her painful history if he wasn’t willing to do the same.

"My parents were a wolf and a snow leopard, from totally different packs.” He kept it brief, not wanting to get caught up in the memories. “They were mates, but their families couldn’t accept it, so they ran away together. Zach and I grew up in the city, far away from any other shifters. And then they died when I was thirteen. My mom got sick, there weren’t any shifter doctors around, and she just kept getting worse. After she was gone, my dad...couldn’t go on without her. Neither of us knew where they'd come from, because they never told us, so we were stuck there, alone.”

“Thirteen,” Nina said in a low voice. “That’s terrible.”

Despite himself, the memories were flooding in: the anger, the tearing grief, the frustration. “We didn’t know of anywhere we could go. I hated shifters so much for exiling my parents, but I still desperately wanted a pack to belong to.”

Nina’s mouth was an unhappy line. "I wish it was easier. It seems so hard, unless you're born into the right pack."

Joel nodded. “And being alone can be fatal.”

Nina’s mouth twisted. “One more thing to worry about, I guess.”

Joel thought of Nina getting sick like his mother had, and it twisted inside him like a knife. Unable to help himself, he shifted position, moving closer to her. When he paused, not sure of his welcome, she leaned toward him, settling in close.

The feeling of her small body tucked in next to his was like coming home.

Nina might’ve been alone before, but now Joel was there. He was going to make sure she never had to suffer like his parents had. “What happened to you after you figured out what you were?” he asked softly.

After a second, Nina drew in a breath and answered. "I couldn't find any other shifters, and I couldn't keep from shifting at home sometimes, even though I knew it was stupid and risky. It was like...” She waved a hand, as though she was trying to find it right words. “It was like if I didn't, I'd just start screaming and never stop."

Joel took that hand, wrapping her small fingers in his. She gripped him back, and he said, "I know that. I felt that. When you're a kid and there's nowhere safe and you just want to run..."

Nina bit her lip and nodded. "Yes. Yes, exactly. So. I kept it a secret for a long time—I'm sur

prised how long, looking back. But eventually I got caught. And my parents couldn't handle it. My mom was shocked and afraid, which I can understand—so was I, the first time I shifted.”

She was quiet for a minute. “What about your dad?” Joel said finally, although he was afraid of the answer.

“My dad...sometimes I think that if it had just been my mom, it would’ve been okay. She was afraid, but not angry or disgusted. But my dad called me a monster, a devil-creature. He said I wasn’t his daughter. He kicked me out and told me I could never, ever come back."

Joel closed his eyes. Nina's fingers were cold and shaky in his, despite the fire just a few feet away. He brought her hand to his face, pressed his forehead to the back of her hand, and gripped her hard.

She held his hand just as tight. For a long moment, they sat there together, squeezing each other’s hands and breathing through the pain.

When he opened his eyes, Nina was looking into the fire again. "I think he might've believed that I really wasn’t his daughter anymore, that something had taken me over,” she said. “I don't know. But I left that day, and I never went back."

“How did you survive on your own?” Joel ran his thumb over the back of her hand, stroking the soft skin, the tense knuckles.

“I was lucky,” Nina said frankly. “I was old enough to work, and I got a job waitressing. But I couldn’t stay in the city, because there was nowhere to shift. And I didn’t have enough money, anyway, only working part-time. So I was sleeping outside for a while, which is hard to do in human form.”

Joel’s heart ached for her. She said it so matter-of-factly, it was painful.

“For a while, I thought I’d just turn into a leopard and live out in the forest like that. When I left the city, I tried it. I practiced hunting until I was good at it, found a good place for a den...but it didn’t work.”

“Because you’re human, too,” Joel said softly.

Nina nodded. “It’s the same thing as not shifting into a leopard. If I’m a leopard for too long, it starts feeling like I’m just going to scream. I’m really both, I can’t just be one or the other.”

“We all are, I think,” Joel said. “I’ve never heard of shifters who just live like their animal forms all the time. I don’t know if it’s possible.”