Joel gave into his instincts: he lifted his arm and put it around Nina’s shoulders, tugging her into his side. She let her head drop to rest in the hollow of his neck. They were both looking at the fire, but Joel felt more aware of her than he had ever been of another person.
They were two flawed, lost people. They’d both had bad luck in their lives, and they were both struggling to get past it, to start something new, as best they could. It was hard, but they were trying.
Joel’s arm tightened around her. Now, they could try to do it together.
***
Nina felt like she was caught between two extremes.
On the one hand, she’d just shared things with Joel that she’d never told anybody, ever. And she’d heard things from him that were just as private, just as vital to who he was as a person. She felt overwhelmed by tenderness, by this sense of connection to Joel’s experiences, his emotions. The sense that where it counted, they were the same.
On the other hand, her whole body was on fire with longing. She was pressed up against his side, feeling his breaths and his heartbeat and inhaling his heady, masculine scent, and it was filling her with heat and need.
Joel’s hand rested on her left shoulder, and his fingers were idly stroking up and down, making the material of her shirt rub against her skin. Nina could feel sparks rush through her body at every little motion, even though he wasn’t touching her skin.
The sensation built, until all she wanted was for him to slip a hand under h
er shirt, for him to take her shirt off, for him to—Nina reached up and caught Joel’s hand.
He stopped immediately. “What is it?” he asked softly.
Nina could feel the vibrations of that deep voice, all through his body.
“Speaking of things being complicated,” she said, and then couldn’t seem to figure out how to go on.
“I think some people would say this is simple,” Joel said finally. Nina sat up, keeping hold of Joel’s hand, and shifted in place to look at him.
“There’s something here,” he continued, when they were a few inches apart, watching each other. He motioned between them. “And we could call it simple. But I don’t think it is.”
“What’s simple?” she asked, almost wanting to laugh, but afraid it would hurt. “I want you. Is that simple? Because I want so many other things, and some of them contradict each other. I’m angry at my family, but I also want them back. I want to be with you, but I also wish I didn’t need to be with anyone. That’s not simple at all.”
Joel inhaled sharply at I want to be with you, and Nina realized that was the first time she’d said that out loud, or anything even suggesting it.
“I want to be with you, too,” he said, his voice sounding thick, and he leaned forward and kissed her.
His mouth was hot against hers, and the taste of him went through her like a shock. All thoughts of what was simple and what was complicated went up in smoke. Nina kissed him back fiercely, leaning forward and getting her arms around all of that huge, muscular body. She needed to touch him, suddenly, needed to feel all of him against all of her.
Joel's big hands spread over her hips, then slid up her waist to cup her breasts. Nina moaned against his mouth as trails of heat followed his fingers. Her nipples hardened as his thumbs came up to stroke over them. The touch was vague and blunt through her shirt and her bra, though. She pulled away.
Joel caught his breath. "What?" he asked, but Nina was already tugging her shirt off. Joel's eyes traced hungrily over her skin as she went for her bra.
"You too," she reminded him. He pulled his shirt off without hesitation.
Nina was arrested, her bra hanging unclasped from her shoulders, by the sight of him. The firelight played over his chest, outlining his muscles in light and shadow. She tossed her bra aside and reached out to touch him.
Joel's chest rose and fell under her hands, quick and shallow, while she touched him. He stayed still, watching her hands on his pecs. Her thumbs slid over his nipples this time and drew a silent shudder from him. Nina traced his collarbone, and then leaned in to place a kiss at the hollow of his throat while her hands slid down his chest to explore his abs.
That was apparently too much for him, because Joel caught her up in his arms and kissed her again. When she abandoned her exploration to wrap herself up in him again, he moved to lay her down onto the pillows.
He kissed her breasts, cupping them in his hands, which felt enormous against her. Joel made an appreciative noise as his lips moved over her skin. He bit her once, very very softly, and Nina shivered.
After several long minutes of his mouth dragging damply over the sensitive skin, making Nina's hips shift without her permission, he lifted his head. "Is this okay?" His hands brushed over the waistband of her jeans.
Nina felt too overwhelmed to speak. She nodded, and he slowly undid the button.
This was so different from any other experience she'd had. The delicious warmth permeating her body, the growing wetness between her legs, the ache to be touched...none of that had ever happened to her before.
And the way Joel looked at her. Most of the time when men looked at her, she wanted to hide. But when Joel's eyes traced over her, the firelight catching them and giving the silvery color a molten look...she felt like he was touching her all over again. Like she could feel his gaze, thrilling her body everywhere it landed.