Every cell of his body longed to take her at her word. She’d said she thought their connection was real and she wanted to stay with him. Joel wanted that too.
But did she really want it?
Nina wanted a place to belong and a family. Joel knew that. So maybe the mate-bond was just latching on to that desire, and putting Joel forward as the way to get that.
After all, why would she want him? They’d only just met. And Joel was an antisocial, angry loner who was essentially married to his job and spent his spare time fixing up a cabin in the middle of nowhere, just so that he could keep being alone.
He’d always told himself that his hatred of the mate-bond was healthy independence, but he was starting to think he’d been wrong. That it was just fear of letting anyone get close to him. That was something he’d always struggled with, whenever he tried to date. Even with his own family.
He wasn’t going to be a good mate to any woman, let alone someone who’d been hurt as much as Nina had. And he refused to be another thing that she had to endure. She deserved a rich, happy life.
So he was going to talk to another loner who was married to his job, to try and figure out how much of this was healthy, and how much of it wasn’t. Because right now, he was caught between something he’d believed wholeheartedly since he was a kid—that the mate-bond ruined lives—and Nina’s heartbreaking, “But I want you to stay, Joel!”
Joel wanted to stay too, more than almost anything. But even more, he didn’t want to ruin her life.
So he went inside the headquarters building, went up to the head ranger’s office, and knocked.
“Come in,” said Cal. When Joel opened the door, his eyebrows went up. “Joel. You’re not working today.”
“I know that,” Joel said. “I’m here for—” God, this sounded awkward—“personal reasons.”
Cal’s eyebrows went up even further. But after a minute, he set his pen down and leaned back in his chair. “All right. Come on in.”
Joel did, shutting the door behind him. He eyed the chairs in front of the desk, but decided he’d rather stand. But then he wasn’t sure where to stand—between the chairs? To one side of them? To the other side?
“I don’t mean to hurry you along,” said Cal after a minute, eyeing him, “but I do have other things that I was planning on doing today.”
"Sorry," Joel said abruptly. He changed his mind about standing—he'd end up pacing a hole in the carpet if he stood. He sat down and said, "I wanted to know your opinion of the mate-bond."
There was a long pause. Then Cal said, "That's a bit out of the blue."
Joel winced. "Not...exactly."
Cal nodded slowly. "I see. All right. I think the mate-bond is good for some."
Joel waited, but that seemed to be it. "Only some?"
Cal shrugged minutely. "Seen it go wrong once or twice. Usually on account of circumstance, not because it was a bad match."
"That's the thing." Joel sat up. "Circumstance. The mate-bond forces people together, no matter what their circumstances. What if something goes wrong? They can't get away. And how are people even supposed to know that their feelings are real, if this mystical bond descends on them before they can really get to know each other?"
He stopped, his breath coming fast. Cal's eyebrows were up again.
"Sounds to me like you've thought about this a bit," was all he said.
Joel nodded. "My parents—it went wrong."
Cal made a thoughtful noise. "All right, Joel. You want my opinion, I'll tell you my opinion. I think whether a mate is good for you or not depends on what you want your life to look like. You want to live alone in your cabin forever, avoid laying eyes on any other living souls, it's going to be a problem. You want to settle down, start a family, it's not so much a problem."
"But even if someone does want to settle down, it can still be a problem," Joel objected. “Being forced to stay together no matter what? That can cause all sorts of problems. Problems that can’t be solved.”
Cal looked at him for a long minute. "You know why Grey and Jeff are my best rangers?" he asked finally.
Joel blinked, not expecting that change of subject. "They know what they're doing," he offered. "They have experience."
"So do lots of other guys, and they're not as good as those two," Cal said. "It's about mindset."
Joel frowned.