Accidental Love (Accidental Hook-Up 1)

“You’ve felt that way with another man?” I demanded as she blushed.

“No. I’ve barely been with anyone else but I’m not that kind of girl.” She replied as she shot me a dark look. “I think you find comfort in women in general, not me. I know how you’ve been through school, Remy. I was there.”

“I don’t. I try to, but I felt at peace with you that night when I fell asleep. I hated waking up alone.” She pressed her lips together and sadness crossed her face.

“I did too, but I never went to sleep. I destroyed the evidence and left that night.” My face fell as I thought back to how many women wanted to stay the night with me. The one that I needed walked away the moment I was asleep.

“I see.” Celia opened her door and returned to her car, starting the engine, and backing out of her spot. I watched her, feeling the pain of being alone in the morning the same way I did then. I just didn’t know why and contributed it to the loss of my best friend. Knowing the truth hurt worse.

I pulled out and headed home, knowing that Mom would want me there. She was cooking dinner and wanted good news. I parked in the garage and sat for a moment before grabbing my jacket and walking into the kitchen. Mom was standing at the stove stirring something and I recognized it as her famous Chicken Marsala. “There you are. I thought they might have hired you on the spot.”

“No, but I’ll hear something soon,” I promised her as I excused myself to change. I looked down the hall as I pushed through my door, not hearing the girls. I changed into workout shorts and a t-shirt to cover the scratches, heading back down. I told Mom about the interview, skipping the part about my old job and it made her smile. Dad came home just before dinner and Brinley and Celia showed up from a quick trip to the store just as we were getting ready to sit down.

“There you are.” Mom told them in a disapproving tone as Brinley flushed.

“Sorry. There was a sale.” She murmured as Celia shot her a look. She avoided my eyes like the plague and took her seat as Brinley set the bags down on the couch.

“I don’t ask you to be here for dinner every night, Brin. This is a special occasion.” Mom reminded her as Brinley shot me a curious glance.

“Did you get the job?” Her words bit into me as I sipped my water.

“No, but the interview went well. I expect to hear something soon.” I smiled as she smirked at me, my eyes moving towards her best friend. Celia was staring at her plate, pushing food around as everyone talked around her. I wondered what I could change about earlier for both of our sakes, but it was already done. I focused on the meal, eating it so Mom wouldn’t know that something was up. I needed to fake it right now and pretend to be happy about the job.

When dinner was finished, I saw the cake that Mom sent the girls out to get. I thanked her, telling her that nothing was final yet. It was my favorite flavor-Boston creme-and I knew that she was trying to cheer me up. I enjoyed a slice and excused myself to take a walk on the beach.

If I got the job, I would stay here. I could live at the house until I found the right apartment and then start over in a sense. If I was turned down for the job, I could look elsewhere and have a fresh start in another city. It might work out better than it did in Seattle, right? I looked down the long expanse of beach and sighed, knowing that San Diego felt like home to me. It felt like home to both Celia and me. I kept walking, feeling the food in my stomach like a knot. I needed to get over this shit, but the usual tricks wouldn’t work. Sleeping with one girl after the other stopped being a fix once I remembered the night with Celia. As much as I tried to deny it and continue to make mistakes, it didn’t heal any of the wounds.

Even settling down in Seattle never felt right to me. Since I was working a great job and had a life starting, I figured that a girlfriend would make it all better. She fucked with my head and I never even loved her, never considered bringing her home.

The girl I wanted was already here, but I screwed that up. It was unintentional and due to the fact that she knew me so well, but I messed it up. I needed to start with someone new.