Accidental Love (Accidental Hook-Up 1)

Remy was so much like his mom.

I tossed and turned until I stood to get a glass of wine. I needed to relax and sleep because I had a lot of work to do in the morning. I poured a big one and sat down outside, listening to the waves crash against the shore. I remembered the pictures online of the beautiful house and wanted to cry. I could afford it and more with his help, but I was too damn scared.

I pictured us being stable and happy there. I could see myself writing at the window overlooking the beach and cooking dinner when he got home from work. We could take walks on the beach at night and sleep in our own room in our own house listening to the ocean. I sipped my wine again, wishing my mom was here to talk to me. I knew that she’d tell me to choose Remy and trust him with my life and my heart. That was what I wanted him to do for me but there was so much fear. I wondered if I had issues with abandonment as I looked at the stars, despite being in love with Remy.

I woke up to the sky brightening, blinking as I sat up. I fell asleep out here. I glanced down to see the near empty glass of wine and pushed my hair back as I shivered. I grabbed the glass and jumped up, heading inside as I locked the door. I rinsed it in the sink and hurried to my room, finding Remy awake and staring at the ceiling. “I fell asleep on the deck. I didn’t mean to.” I told him, slipping under the covers and against his warm body.

“Did you?” He asked softly, not looking at me. “Since we’ve been together, even since that first night; I never wanted to wake up without you. When I got you, I swore I would have you with me and I woke up alone. I didn’t know if you left me or the house, or our entire life.” I stayed still. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I haven’t had a relationship like this before. Amy was nowhere near this, Celia. I worked more than anything else back then. Now I feel like I’m working towards a goal.”

“You don’t still have feelings for her, do you?” I asked as I turned to face him, slipping my arm around his stomach.

“No. I forgave her and let the anger go, but I’ll never have anything left from that. She hurt me and mocked all my hard work, Celia. I swore that I’d never do that for anyone else until we got together.” I felt him tense under my touch. “You’re my first love, Celia. I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re my first love, Remy. I am so scared of losing you.” I told him as he covered my arm with his large hand. “I guess losing both parents left me on shaky ground and I’m sorry.”

“I understand,” he replied and stroked my skin. The alarm went off and he sighed. “I am going to talk to Rick at work. He shouldn’t be sleeping with an employee to begin with and now that it’s getting sloppy, I think she needs to be let go.”

“Okay,” I said as he moved to sit up. He kissed my cheek before moving to the bathroom to shower and I snuggled under the blankets. I loved that this room smelled like him and us. I wondered if that scent might fade from the way he was acting towards me. Remy wasn’t being the aggressive man with me that I’d seen in the last several months anymore. He was acting scared and probably the way I was being towards him.

It hurt when it was thrown back at you, intentional or not.

Remy got out of the shower and dressed for work. He was quiet and had a calm expression on his face as I watched him. “Are you okay?” I asked as he glanced at me.

“I just don’t feel like we’re so secure anymore.” He shrugged. “I hope it passes because I love you, Celia. I’ll never love anyone else, but you need to trust me.”

“I love you.” I replied as he walked out of the room. I let the tears slide down my cheeks, feeling grief hit me like it did with my parents’ deaths. I didn’t think he was walking out of my life, but Remy was checked out. I hoped that he worked through this and would personally be happy if Amy stopped working there. I turned to face the wall, wondering how I was going to find it in me to work today. My head was racing with thoughts and emotions, tangling up as I cried harder.

I ended up getting up and taking a long walk on the beach for about an hour, trying to work this through my head. I knew that we loved each other and wanted each other but something shifted between us in the last day or so. Maybe it was always there, and I finally saw it. I had no idea.