“I don’t know,” I replied. “I think a lot of it is the people that I’ve been around and the people I continue to surround myself with. That plays such an important part in who we are and how our lives turn out to be.”
“You remind me so much of my grandfather,” Libby said.
“Really?”
“Yeah. He’s passed on now, but when I was a little girl he used to sit me on his lap and try to tell me that the world really is whatever I wanted it to be. I didn’t always understand what he was talking about, but as I got older I began to see the wisdom he had imparted on me all over the place. And I find myself using a lot of it every single day.”
“Do you find yourself giving that knowledge to the kids in your classes?”
“I do,” she said. “I really do. I think they might be too young to really get it, but then sometimes I think it’s never too early.”
“I don’t think they are too young,” I said. “Kids that age are like little sponges, right? Even if they don’t understand what you are trying to tell them, it will linger in their minds for a bit and come together right when they start to need it the most. I don’t think we ever really forget or unlearn anything.”
“I don’t think I’m ever going to be the same again,” Libby said. Her voice sounded a bit desperate, as if she was trying to hold back emotion, but it was starting to take control of her.
“From what?” I asked, knowing exactly what she was talking about. It was important for her to say it, to get it off her chest.
“I was almost killed yesterday,” Libby said. “I keep trying to get past it, but it’s there—right there.” She pointed to the top of her chest. And then to the place on her forehead right between her eyes. “I can’t let it go.”
“It just happened,” I said. “Give it time. But you are right. It’s not going to just leave you. You will just get better at dealing with it. Eventually, you will assign a different meaning to it.”
“A different meaning?”
“Yeah. So many things that happen and our reaction to them have to do with relationships, or meanings. When we assign a different relationship and meaning to something then the control it has in our life becomes drastically different. If you rely on something to get you going every day, then for that to not be the thing you need, you have to assign a new meaning to it, and assign a relationship to something else. Eventually, this will become a good thing, like you will start to see it as the impetus that you needed to move you into a new direction.”
“I hear what you are saying, but I somehow don’t think it applies here.”
“It might not for you,” I said. “That is the thing; everything means something different to everybody else. It is up to you to figure it out.”
I stood back up and stretched my legs. Then I grabbed my headphones and popped them back on my ears. I wasn’t sure I’d had much impact with my conversation with Libby, but at least we were talking. I was actually starting to uncover some real things about her.
“So, now here is a good test,” I said.
Libby stood up and looked into my eyes inquisitively. “What’s that?”
“Well, we started to pull at a few threads there, emotional ones. If you ever find yourself face to face with death and you have to protect yourself, you are going to be feeling a lot of emotions. You need to practice that way.”
“Ok,” Libby said. “I’m following.”
“Those men tried to kill you yesterday,” I said. “They came into your home and did their level best to end your life. If it wasn’t for some help you would not be here today. The next time, they might not fail. The next time, you might be on your own. What are you going to do about it?”
Libby’s chin was quivering slightly. I hated to do this to her, but it was going to help her prepare. I remembered the first time that someone tried to kill me. I froze up and I almost fell to the ground pleading with them to spare me. I was doing an errand for Arnold Caplinger. Ranier was with me. It was a good thing he was. We were caught boosting some stereos from a warehouse. The security guard caught us and had a gun pointed right on us. He ordered us not to move. Of course we did anyway and then he started firing at us.
I was more scared then I’d ever been in my life. I froze. If Ranier hadn’t been there to fire back at the security guard, then I might have been hit. The moment Ranier started shooting, the guard ran for cover and hid until we were out of sight.