“Good night, Mitch,” I said, swinging open the door and stepping out of the Jeep right as a couple more tears broke off from my eyes. I shut the door behind me and made my way to the house.
It was dark and empty inside, as usual.
20
Mitch
It’s like I see Evan, but he’s on the other side of a canyon.
There’s a bridge leading me to him, but at the end, there’s one small section missing. I need to jump. The drop is hundreds of feet down, though, and if I miss, I’ll fall forever.
Evan’s reaching out to me, telling me I can do it, saying all I need to do is make the jump, and I’ll be with him. All I have to do is cross that gap.
But I can’t do it. I’m frozen. Paralyzed in place.
And now I’m watching as Evan slowly walks away, knowing that I’ve taken far too long to leap.
I didn’t sleep that night.
At first I thought it was just because I had been at the party and it had given me too much energy. Then I thought it might be because of the sound of the mouse or rat or whatever critter was in the wall of my bedroom, tap-tap-tapping away.
I did everything I could to keep my mind from thinking about Evan. But all I could picture was his face before he left my Jeep.
Over the years, we’d had plenty of minor disagreements and tiny fights, and the same thing happened every time: Evan would cool off, and then he’d call or message me an hour later and everything would be back to normal again.
And I realized too late that the real thing keeping me up all night was waiting to hear from Evan.
I lay in bed, my body tensed up, trying so hard to avoid thinking about the conversation we’d had. Every time my mind went anywhere near the topic, my chest began to ache and I’d tense up all throughout my body.
I was good at shoving down those types of feelings.
I’d spent my whole life training myself to block out things that bothered me. I had to go on with my life, and I knew that things with Evan would smooth over soon, like they always did.
But soon it was three in the morning, and I was clutching my phone, silently waiting for him to say something.
Then it was four in the morning.
And by the time six-thirty rolled around and I hadn’t heard from him, the nervous tension in me had turned into a vicious, heart-pounding anxiety.
As the sun rose, I made myself a cup of coffee, which only added to my jitters. I knew I had to get out of the house. At nine o’clock, Zach wasn’t awake and I knew he wouldn’t be up for many hours. I wrote him a note saying I’d gone out to run errands, and I took the Jeep out for a long, aimless drive.
I wound up in the parking lot of Red’s Tavern around ten in the morning, well before the bar was open. I spotted Red’s truck in the back of the lot, so I headed for the front doors.
“Sorry, we’re still closed!” came Red’s voice from behind the bar as I swung open one of the doors. “Oh, Mitchell.”
“Hey there, Red. What are you doing here so early?”
“I’m getting prepped for tomorrow’s fundraiser,” he said. “This is going to be a big event. We’ve got a lot to prepare for.”
Shit. I’d forgotten about the fundraiser completely.
“It seems like all of the events here are big,” I said.
“That’s how I like it,” Red responded.
Tomorrow night we were hosting a fundraiser for the dog shelter. Evan was good about promoting things he cared about, and I knew he must have told dozens and dozens of people to come support the cause.
“Looks like all the air guitar from last night got you pretty exhausted, huh?” he asked, squinting as he looked at me. The bar was covered in cardboard boxes, and Red was clearly doing some necessary restocking.
“I actually haven’t slept since I left your house,” I admitted. I was still standing in the doorway, frozen in place, unsure really why I’d even showed up at the Tavern.
“So you and Evan really must have had fun after you guys left, huh?”
I bit the inside of my cheek, and realization slowly spread over Red’s face.
“Oh, no,” he said. “Something bad go down?”
“Not really something bad, but…”
Red nodded. “Take a seat at the bar, chief,” he said, turning to grab something from behind him.
“No, it’s ten in the morning, I’m really not looking to drink yet—”
“I’m not serving you liquor right now, I promise,” Red said, disappearing into the back office.
I took a seat at one of the barstools, swiveling around to look at the empty Tavern. My eyes landed on the spot between two pool tables where I’d shared the air mattress with Evan.