I was turning down so much porn money, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even answer calls from my manager.
My whole career in porn had been fueled by alcohol and drug binges, and now that I was finally succeeding at being sober, going back felt... impossible. The two worlds felt linked together in my mind: when I was doing porn, I was usually on some form of pills, and after every shoot, I either partied or drank alone.
I didn’t even know if I’d be any good at porn if I was sober. The thought was nauseating.
“Colin’s still texting asking when I’ll be back,” I said, leaning back on the couch. “He still doesn’t get it that I’m gone for good.”
She rolled her eyes. “Prick.”
“I give it ten days before he finds a new guy to leech off of,” I said.
“He might never understand,” Katie said, “but Colin isn’t your problem anymore.”
I glanced at her. “He kind of is,” I said.
“Why?”
“Because he owes me ten grand, and I need that money back from him.”
“Ten thousand dollars?” Katie said. “Jesus. Why?”
“I made the mistake of letting him use my credit card one night to pick up food and drinks for a party. Three months later, my accountant informed me that Colin had been using my card number to make random ATM withdrawals every week.”
She frowned at me. “That’s… very illegal, Liam.”
“I know it is. But what can I do about it? He has so much shit on me, too. We went to so many parties together. It was a toxic fucking tornado almost every night.”
“Still…” Katie said.
I shook my head. “I don’t want to involve legal action.”
“Suit yourself. But I say you suck it up and forget about that ten grand. I don’t want you talking to Colin,” she said, concern on her face.
“NaughtyBoyz is hounding me, too,” I said. “They’re going to wonder why I’ve been saying no to every single video offer.”
“Now that’s a bridge you might not want to burn,” she said gently.
I grinned. “If I want a ten-inch dildo in my ass, I can do it on my own at home,” I joked.
“Very funny.”
“Totally serious. Mine are better than the cheapie plastic ones NaughtyBoyz pay for, anyway.”
Katie giggled, shifting on the couch. “I mean it, though. Don’t cut them out of your life. You don’t want to do porn right now, but maybe in the future.”
“I’m never doing videos for them again,” I said. “I don’t care how much they pay me. I’m done with it.”
“I understand,” she said. “But turning down thousands and thousands of dollars because you don’t like their directing style is a little extreme.”
“It’s more than hating their directing style.”
“Right.” Her voice was flat.
I pulled in a deep breath. “I need to finally get Hardy Productions off the ground. I want to be behind the camera. I’m going to have a better porn company than NaughtyBoyz within five years.”
She looked at me, her gaze sympathetic but doubtful.
I didn’t blame her. NaughtyBoyz was one of the top three gay porn titans. The business ran like a well-oiled machine, and working for them felt like being in a machine, too.
All of the videos were the same routine. There was no creative expression, nothing interesting, nothing that showcased the stars’ personalities. Porn was all about the hard fucking in the end, of course—but when the directors told you not to even crack a smile during a shoot, or told you that you were “getting too many tattoos,” or treated you like a fuckable piece of meat without a brain? That was bullshit.
And of course, NaughtyBoyz was headquartered in Los Angeles, and I was never going back there.
I was going to use whatever small-time gay porn fame I had to launch my own company. And I wasn’t going to do another video for NaughtyBoyz, no matter how much money they offered me.
“Hey,” Katie said softly, reaching out and squeezing my shoulder. “I’m really proud of you, you know.”
I scrunched up my face. “Don’t say that. I haven’t done anything.”
“Wrong. You’ve done the hardest thing of all. You left Colin. You left Los Angeles.”
I swallowed hard, taking a long breath in. “I left him,” I said. “I should have done it a long time ago.”
“And no matter how things went with Red tonight, you took a huge leap coming here,” she said. “This is the first time I’ve seen you do something this huge for yourself.”
Bandit stood up and walked over to the couch, wagging his tail.
“Other than getting Bandit, of course,” Katie said, smiling wide and reaching down to scratch around his collar.
“Bandit was definitely a good decision,” I said. “The best, probably. The little fucker is so damn spoiled.”
“He is the cutest little spoiled boy!” she said in a puppy-talk voice, giving him a hug.
I watched, knowing that Katie was flying home tomorrow, and I’d be in this tiny, strange little cottage house all alone, with no one to keep me company other than Bandit.