It was just us, looking at each other on a sunny morning in bed together, knowing without a doubt that we were in love.
I’d woken from that dream in a haze of guilt, which rapidly hardened into dread. I couldn’t let myself attach those types of fantasies to Rock. A straight guy who was only “with” me this week so that I could convince my family I wasn’t going to be alone forever, so that my mother had something to focus on other than her other son’s divorce.
“I’m glad they get along,” Cam said. “Rock seems to get along with the whole family, actually. I really like him, Per.”
I swallowed. “I like him, too.”
“Hey,” Cam suddenly said loudly, spying Cooper and Chloe thwacking each other with what looked like baguettes.
“Are they fighting with bread?”
“Yes, I believe they are,” Cam said, shaking his head. “I’m going to go hang out with them.”
“Good luck, bread police,” I said.
Cam headed off through the rain. A minute later I watched as Rock and Lilly finally parted ways, Lilly going back inside and Rock peering around the garden. He spotted me sitting alone in the gazebo, waving and smiling before he approached.
“Hey boyfriend,” he said as he got under the roof, pulling off his baseball cap and mussing his hair with a hand.
Raindrops glistened all over his skin, clinging to his arms, his face, and his eyelashes.
“Having fun this afternoon?” I asked.
“Hell yeah,” Rock said. “I love the rain, personally. I don’t get why people think it’s gloomy. They forget how to have fun in it.”
His words warmed my heart slightly. “I’ve always thought the same thing, actually,” I said softly. “You hit it off with Lilly,” I observed.
“Oh, for sure,” he said. “She’s a badass. Did you know she did a bunch of sword fighting as a kid?”
“I remember hearing something about her fencing hobby, yeah.”
Rock plopped down on the bench next to me. “It sounds super cool. She said she’s moving to the U.S. in a few months and she’d be willing to teach us.”
I swallowed. “She’s moving here?”
Rock nodded. “Yup.”
That solidified my idea that the two of them really could date. “You should get her phone number.”
Rock waved a hand. “Nah. No biggie. I’m sure whenever she’s back you’ll let me know. We can be her first American fencing students.”
“But if you get her phone number right now, you won’t have to rely on me,” I said.
He cocked his head to one side, peering at me. I looked away, out at the rain falling slowly on the plush green grass.
“Why are you trying to push me into getting her number, anyway? Were my blowjob skills last night that bad?”
My skin broke out in goosebumps. We hadn’t acknowledged what we’d done last night out loud all day, and just hearing the words sent a thrill through me.
It was awful. I couldn’t let myself feel these things.
I rolled my eyes at him. “You know you were fine,” I said. “I’m just trying to let you know, if you want to get her number, I’m not going to be weird about it. I want you to be happy.”
“I’m plenty happy just being her friend,” Rock said, scooting a little closer to me. “And your boyfriend.”
“Christ, Rock, quit it,” I said, but I couldn’t bring myself to move away from his touch. “We’re alone over here. You don’t have to do this.”
“So what?” he said. He put his palm on my thigh, gently stroking it up and down. It was warm, a stark contrast to the cool, misty air. I hated how good his touch felt. Every goddamn time. It sent me on another thought spiral, remembering how close we’d been last night. It had seemed so easy.
“I appreciate you helping me out this week,” I said to him, sitting up a little straighter, trying to ignore the flood of warmth throughout my body radiating from where his hand was. “I just want to help you out, too. I could even set you up with Lilly, after we tell her we ‘broke up’ later.”
He squeezed my thigh and then took his hand away, sighing. “Quit it.”
I turned to him. The usual playfulness in his gaze was nowhere to be seen.
“Huh?”
He scrubbed his palms over his face. “Just quit it, Perry.”
“I’m just trying to help.”
“I hate it when people try to help me. Like this, at least.”
Something prickled inside me. “I’ve noticed,” I said.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
I set my jaw. “You can’t accept it. When I try to help you up the stairs, when I try to take care of the firecracker situation, when I try to help you get a date.”
“I’m perfectly fine with walking up stairs on my own, thank you very much.”
“Of course you are,” I said. “But if it can be easier with my help, why not take it?”