As the afternoon wore on, I started planting flowers around the area where we were going to install the bird feeder. The most amazing smells started to come out of the house kitchen. He was roasting some sort of meat, the smell of caramelization and herbs floating out through the air, then the smell of fresh-baked bread as evening came.
I was worn out by the time it was evening. The bird feeder would be done staining and ready to go by tomorrow morning. I’d made good progress on a small patch of flowers all around where the feeder would be, but of course I already had a million more ideas swimming around in my head of what else I wanted to plant nearby. Cam needed more trees, more shrubs, more rocks and flowers and everything.
I wanted to do it all for him.
“Dinner’s almost ready,” he called from inside the house.
I made my way up the stairs of the deck, kicking off my muddy boots, ready to head inside. But Cam emerged from the open back doors, shaking his head and carrying covered trays of food.
“Stay out here,” he said, placing the trays on the large outdoor table on the deck.
“Really?”
“Of course,” he said. “I know you prefer eating outside.”
“You don’t have to do all that just for me.”
“Are you kidding? I’m so glad to have a reason to use this table,” he said. “Usually it’s chock full of kids’ toys.”
“You are treating me far too well,” I said.
“I could say the same thing to you. You’ve been working your ass off all day out here.”
“Lucky for you, I enjoy it.”
He bit his lower lip, looking at me with big eyes. “I’ve really enjoyed it, too. And I hope you’re hungry.”
“You know I am.”
It was exactly as good as it had smelled. Cam had roasted a whole chicken with lemon and herbs, made mashed potatoes, balsamic green beans, and a side of fresh-baked bread rolls.
“Do you always make such fancy dinners?” I asked him as I was taking my second helping of everything.
“It’s not that fancy,” he said.
“I feel like a king,” I said, taking another bite of bread. “Now’s where I have to admit I eat frozen dinners and canned beans most nights.”
He scrunched up his nose. “Don’t tell me that.”
“It’s true, though,” I said. “You tell me how I’m so good at making things myself, but I think you’re magical for being able to make a meal like this.”
“I enjoy it,” Cam said. “My brother Perry is the real chef. There’s a reason he’s got his own kitchen at the tavern. But cooking still reminds me of him. Of family.”
“Well, thanks for making me feel like I’m part of the family, then,” I said, going in for another bite.
I realized my mistake as soon as I’d said it. The entire point was that I wasn’t part of the family. I was pretty sure Cam would rather have his kids meet the Loch Ness monster than ever meet me. I was a guy he was hooking up with, and that was best for the both of us.
But there was no doubt that I felt like I was part of some sort of family, today. A feeling that had escaped me for most of my life.
“I never had anything like this growing up,” I said, trying to change the subject back to me a little bit.
“You didn’t?”
I shook my head. “It’s not that my parents didn’t love me, it was just that they… had other priorities. I was an accident. My mom and dad were both only seventeen.”
“So young,” he said.
I nodded. “They always had multiple jobs. Weren’t really around for me that much, so I made do with what I had. It was usually Kraft mac ‘n’ cheese and frozen pizzas.”
Cam nodded. “My mom worked a lot, too,” he said. “And my dad left when I was super young. It was just me and my brother a lot of the time.”
“Really?”
“There’s a reason I got married so young, I think,” Cam said, twirling his fork. “I wanted a family so badly. A real family. And since I’d always gotten along with Rachel, I was more than happy to get started on a family young. I thought I was set.”
His expression changed. It was like a candle being snuffed out whenever Cam focused on his divorce, and immediately I wanted to pull him out of it.
“And now look at you,” I joked. “Sitting around with a doofus like me, eating incredible food in your beautiful backyard.”
Luckily a small smile appeared on his face. “Bullshit,” he said. “Compared to your yard, mine is just a big, boring grass field with some trees. It definitely needs work.”
“We’ll work on it,” I told him.
“I love how easy you make it sound,” he said, looking at me like I was some magician.